“The way we act together is very puzzling. We come to agreement on what we do together without apparent effort or decision-making. Certainly there are times when only one of us feels tired, talkative, sleepy, sexual, but mostly we concur on whether to walk, what movie to watch, when to separate, and all those other joint decisions. It’s that process of deciding that is obscure; there is no sense of pitting my needs against yours, struggling until a winner emerges. There is scarcely ever even a sense that we have different agendas at all. But how can this be? We’re different people with different clocks; the odds of being in sync become more improbable the more it happens.
“It is as if we have moved our consciousness from our individual selves to us, that incorporeal being that has both our interests at heart. I don’t invoke magical channels here; it’s likely that there are signals of body language, smell, voice, etc. by which we adjust to each other. However, looking for the mechanism is really irrelevant, because the balance arises from our intentionality. We achieve this by being, not by doing, and the more still we are, the more intense the experience becomes.”
Secrets of a Successful Relationship Revealed, pp.34-35