In our article on Acceptance, we talk about the spectrum of acceptance and that it helps to look at how important things are that bother us. On one end of the spectrum, there are the things which really represent our core values; the things that carry the most meaning for us. At the very other end of the spectrum are the little things that stick in our brain and irritate us, often even causing estrangement from our partner. These things are not really so meaningful to us, and yet we often hang onto them, and can’t find acceptance in ourselves for another person’s style or way. These moments can be a wonderful opportunity for learning about ourselves. If instead of looking at what is different in our partner and being distressed, we take this time to look at ourselves, and find out why this is bothering us so much, we may find a way to drop old stuff and move forward in acceptance. If we turn inward and really look at what it is about us that makes this seemingly unimportant thing bother us, we will often find a place within where we can offer true acceptance; acceptance that another person has another way and we do not need to try to change it. If we come to see that this is really only a statement about ourselves, and not really about our partner at all, we can be liberated from the need to change or criticize, and even more important, we have an opportunity to learn something valuable about ourselves.