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You think one thing. Your partner thinks another. It might be whether to replace the car or what color to paint the kitchen. How do you reach a decision? If both of you hold fast to your original position, you can’t. At least one of you has to change your position.

There are various ways this can happen.
* One person is always adamant, and the other accedes. Not a good idea for a balanced relationship.
* You compromise. Maybe you take it in turn, maybe there’s a balance sheet scored by the scale of the concessions. This may work for many couples, but we don’t think this is a good idea. You may have different views on the value of the concession, but worse than that is the act of the concession itself. Someone always loses. It may rankle for a long time – until the kitchen is repainted or the car is resold.
* You can both be flexible.

Guess what – we pick the third choice! Let’s examine what it involves.

Holding on to your original position is, when you think about it, an incredible act of hubris. Is this really the best position in the whole world? Have you examined every other one and found it wanting? Are you sure there isn’t another possibility you might have overlooked? Is there a teeny chance your ego doesn’t like admitting it’s wrong?

So let go of the need to be right. It only gets in the way. This is a skill that can be learned. So what's the trick?

Book Report
We got such great feedback on our video about how we work together that if you haven't seen it, here's your chance.

Blog Report
Phil and Maude’s Friday Feature. This week we featured Dr. Gail Brenner, a licensed Ph.D. psychologist with over 20 years of experience offering psychotherapy. We first encountered Gail when we were looking for links for our Wednesday blog on the Successful Relationships Reading Corner, and came across a wonderful article called The Secret to Peaceful Relationships which led us to look into Gail‘s other work. She blogs for many sites including her own and has been featured on Huffington Post, Zen Habits, MindBodyGreen, Tiny Buddha, Inspire Me Today, and the Undivided Journal, to mention a few.

Imagine our surprise when we noticed that she also lives in Santa Barbara. This led to our getting together and we were even further impressed when meeting and speaking with Gail. She is a warm-hearted and caring person with much to contribute to spreading peace in people’s lives.

Gail has recently brought out her third book “At the Core of Every Heart: Reflections, Insights, and Practices for Waking Up and Living Free”, available on Amazon.

Successful Relationship Reading Corner
This week's blog is on maintaining flexibility within your relationship. Here are some articles discussing this topic.

Improving Couples' Attachment Security, Intimacy, Stability and Satisfaction "I believe the primary objective in couple therapy is to help couples improve the stability and satisfaction in their relationship and learn to stay flexible, not rigid. It's important for couples to maintain a context of intimacy and engagement that allows them to experience a sense of trust and security in which they can be 'safely vulnerable.'"

How to be Flexible in a Relationship "A lot of us have been conditioned to think that once we find the person who we believe is perfect for us, then the hard work is over. Everything should be smooth sailing from that point on. After all, if they are perfect for us, shouldn't everything just fall into place? But that couldn't be further from the truth. In fact, once you find the partner you are ready to commit to, that's when the real work begins. And any healthy relationship will require a certain amount of flexibility from each partner."

Relationship Tips for a Happy Marriage Part 92: Be Flexible "Would you describe yourself as a flexible person?  Flexibility in marriage means being open to each other’s plans and ideas, and being willing to go beyond the comfort zone where necessary. It also means getting over the idea that your desires are the most important consideration in the relationship and responding to the needs and desires of the other party."
Spreading peace one relationship at a time,
Phil and Maude
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