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How to Reach Mutual Solutions in Your Relationship

We don’t argue. We don’t compromise. We don’t suppress our feelings. And we always find a solution to issues that works for both of us. Unlikely as that may sound, it’s been true for the dozen years we’ve known each other, and we’ve spent a lot of time examining why.

It’s because there are multiple outcomes that would satisfy us; we can’t see them at first because we are staring at our metaphorical strawberry ice cream. There are more flavors in heaven and earth than are dreamt of in our philosophy.

The first step is not to be stubborn, and to accept that there are always other possibilities that we haven’t seen yet.

Find out all the steps by clicking here.

To listen to Phil reading the whole blog, click here.

Conscious Networking Event and Expo

Gay and Katie Hendricks are the featured speakers at this event, there's live music, and we are exhibiting beforehand. If you're in the Santa Barbara area, come by and say hi, buy our books at discount, and stay for the main event.

It's on Friday June 2nd at Unity of Santa Barbara, 227 E. Arrellaga St, Santa Barbara. The Expo starts at 6, and the speakers at 8. Details here.

Return to Sex & Intimacy

One of the couples we interviewed for our book "How Two: Have a Successful Relationship" has just brought out a new book of their own. International speakers and authors on advanced human sexuality and relationships, Michael Russer & Jacqueline Lopez's new book is called "Return to Sex & Intimacy For Cancer Survivors and their Partners". You can get it on Amazon.

Successful Relationship Reading Corner

BookshelfIn this week's blog we wrote about how to reach mutual solutions in your relationship. These articles address various aspects of finding solutions and doing so without compromising.

Want a great marriage? Don’t compromise. "I define compromise as each party going away equally unhappy. The reason is simple. Most people give in to others as a way to manage their own anxiety and their discomfort with conflict. Or, they give in hoping it will make their spouse happy. The problem is that they’ve just done damage to themselves and the relationship. Any time either partner walks away from a compromise even a little bit unhappy, they’ve done damage to the relationship."

How Compromise Is Actually Hurting Your Relationship (And What To Do Instead) "Compromise implies that both people have to give up something they want in order to come up with a solution that is tolerable for both. While this all sounds noble and selfless, I think compromise as a solution may do more harm than good. Viewing compromise as your ideal solution requires that we enter a mindset of need rather than empowerment. We assume all we can get is the bare minimum rather than asking for what we really want. We settle rather than flourish."

Happiness With Others: Practice Win–Win "The win–win process is fairly simple and straightforward, yet it is often not easy to pull off. This is so because it requires a much different mindset than most of us bring to our disagreements. Moreover, it requires some patience and self-control, as you will see below. But, by bothering to follow the process, you will be pleasantly surprised by the solutions you find and gratified by the increased happiness you derive from your relationships."

Spreading peace one relationship at a time
Phil and Maude
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