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What Does Commitment Really Mean in a Relationship?

We experience a conflict-free, peaceful and passionate relationship. We aren’t debating the merits or feasibility of such. We are sharing that this is possible, that it exists.

We are quite convinced that this experience is available and applicable to most who desire it. We feel that it is possible to change the world one relationship at a time by exploring this kind of relating. In our blogs, we outline aspects and behaviors that lead to this experience and describe what it is like and what it is made up of.

Today, we are sharing about a very basic component of a peaceful loving relationship, and one that can have surprising consequences and ramifications. Commitment.

PHIL: I have been told that I wasn’t committed to the relationship by any number of women. I more or less bought into that assessment, though a friend pointed out that buying an expensive house with someone looked like a commitment to him. I was also told that commitment would be a liberating experience. I rejected such a ridiculous contradictory claim.

Now I’m here to tell you it’s true. Our relationship offers me companionship, entertainment, sex, support, inspiration, and, more than anything else, freedom to do and be myself. And I offer the same in return.

Why now and not before? Is it that Maude is the right person; that I finally looked at what was present rather than what was missing; did I finally understand what was important rather than just surface gloss?

Maybe all of the above. It’s hard to say because commitment is not remotely an intellectual process. It arises out of a deep sense of peace, of calmness, of timelessness, or I could just as easily phrase it that commitment creates those senses.

Most importantly, there is a sense is of a cessation of seeking, an ability to just be, that the commitment of the relationship offers a space of freedom and adds to that, all the joy of another.

The total acceptance of each other is an essential element of all this. It creates a space of total comfort, and commitment arises out of that. There is no reason to leave and every reason to stay. It transcends any material aspects like money or illness.

MAUDE: Commitment – a word that is bandied about quite a lot, and one that has many different interpretations. In order to experience the aspects of commitment that we are referring to, you must first eliminate certain things and have others established.

This kind of commitment doesn’t allow for abusive behavior. If it is present in any form, then it needs to be addressed and resolved. If it can’t be, then the relationship should be dissolved.

This kind of commitment requires mutuality to exist. Both partners must be equally involved (although each will express this differently) and mutually resolved that they are fully into the partnership.

When both partners are fully committed to the relationship, they will give it their nurturing attention, they will be present with each other, will share themselves with their partner, and most importantly, will always come from love when relating to each other. They will always come from love.

This type of mutual commitment transcends the limitations of the finite world we normally occupy. It has the transformative effect of taking time limitations from the equation by removing the element of endings. The aspect of endings that we live with in most of our experiences evaporates, not in a physical sense, but in the sense of its not having any sort of influence on the content and quality of the relationship. No more thoughts of “Am I in or am I out?”

When the sense of a possible ending is removed, there is a kind of soul easing, a type of deep relaxation that occurs. This is not a relaxation which engenders taking the partner for granted; quite the contrary. It brings a sense of wonder, of acute awareness of the loved one, and of joy.

This is the arena in which peace exists. In this arena, there is no need to defend or protect. There is no holding back. When you combine this with always coming from love, you reach a place of connectedness which cannot be breached. This is the peace of true familial relations. This peace is the one that can change the world.

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Successful Relationship Reading Corner


In this week's blog, we discussed what commitment really means in a relationship. Here are some interesting articles and studies different aspects of this.

How committed your relationship is goes hand in hand with happiness and well-being, study discovers "The bottom line, say the researchers, is that having a romantic relationship makes both men and women happier -- and the stronger the relationship's commitment, the greater the happiness and sense of well-being of the partners."

What Happens When Partners Aren't Equally Committed "In some couples, one partner is substantially more committed than the other. We call these Asymmetrically Committed Relationships (ACRs). No one who is looking for lasting love wants to find themselves in an ACR, but we suspect it has become increasingly easy to land in one. It doesn’t have to be this way."

A fear of getting dumped kills romance and commitment "Can the fear of a relationship ending actually lessen love and cause a break-up? If yes, how does it happen? These were the questions that Simona Sciara and Giuseppe Pantaleo of the Vita-Salute San Raffaele University in Italy set out to answer in an article..."

Spreading peace one relationship at a time
Phil and Maude
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