See Differences as an Asset in Your Relationship

Do you want a relationship founded in peace and dedicated to the highest good for both of you?

Most of us do. So what goes into having that?

There are some underlying principles that are part of any truly peaceful relationship. One of the most basic is the relation of individuality and union.

Learn to recognize, honor and accept the fact that your partner is an entirely different and unique individual. They are never going to be you, nor think, say or do things exactly the way you do. These differences between you are not a threat, because they arise from the same core values. You are being offered alternative ways of seeing things, of doing things, of feeling things.

When both people recognize and accept this, a wonderful peace occurs, and the energy that might have gone into struggle is instead available for other parts of life.

That is wonderful enough in itself, but there is another aspect that is an additional source of joy, and that is the very difference of the other person. Because both you and your partner can open up without risk, you can both reveal yourselves completely. The experience of being offered another person unedited, unconcealed, is an honor.

It invites the same in return, and a mutual exploration takes place which can feel as if two souls have merged, as if for a time, you inhabit the same room. It invites you to dig deeper and deeper within yourself, finding and sharing aspects that you had lost or buried or never knew, and your partner’s revealed self adds to your world and reflects it and you emerge nourished by contact with another that is a very different experience from self-reflection.

This is one of the paradoxes in a successful relationship. Your perspective grows to include both the separateness and difference, while opening to the sublime experience of union.

For us, this has been one of the richest parts of being in a long-term relationship. As we grew to accept each other totally and trust that we would not be attacked, judged, or manipulated, a deep sense of freedom and relaxation permeated our togetherness. With this came an ability to share our feelings, thoughts and needs openly and honestly.

The extraordinary experience of truly getting to know the inner being of another has been transforming. It enriches our perspective on the possible, enhances our understanding of viewpoint and adds an unexpected depth to all interactions. The more we experience this kind of sharing, the deeper our ability to relate to each other, but also to all others, becomes.

This is something that can be done in your relationship, and it can be brought into it at any time if both parties are willing. This kind of total acceptance has to be verbally acknowledged as well as purposefully practiced. It starts with the understanding of the unique nature of your partner. Support that uniqueness. Foster its growth. Through a union based on the understanding of separateness, you can bring out each other’s best potential and help that become a reality.

We’d like to close with one of our favorite quotations on this subject:

Once the realization is accepted that even between the closest human beings infinite distances continue, a wonderful living side by side can grow, if they succeed in loving the distance between them which makes it possible for each to see the other whole against the sky. Rainer Maria Rilke

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Successful Relationship Reading Corner

In this week's blog, we wrote about seeing differences as an asset in your relationship. Since ours is a very uncommon point of view, we didn't find articles talking to precisely what we shared, but these all offer useful information about differences in relationships.

Want a Lasting Marriage? Personality Match May Not Matter "Men and women in relationships need not be similar in personality in order to have a successful long-lasting marriage, a new study suggests. The study, which included couples who had been married for at least 40 years, found that neither personality similarities nor differences appeared to affect how happy the couples were."

Do Your Personality Traits Affect Your Relationship? "So in your relationship is it a matter of “opposites attract” or “birds of a feather”? The question of whether similar or dissimilar personality traits are a source of romantic attraction and marital satisfaction has been debated for years."

Why Partners Need Complementary Strengths "Your partnerships work on the same principle [of combination]. The best happen when you and someone who has strengths that complement yours join forces and focus on a single goal. Your strengths cancel out your partner's weaknesses, and vice versa. You accomplish together what could not be done separately. Before you can forge a successful alliance, you must understand what you bring to the combination, and equally important, what you don't."

Spreading peace one relationship at a time
Phil and Maude
 
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