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For the New Year, Share Your Loves and Longings in Your Relationships

Clocks and calendars montagePHIL: Many years ago, when I was squatting in London with a bunch of other people, I wrote a proposal that we should all find a place in the country and move there. I even organized a visit to a derelict mansion for sale in the west country – I think the asking price was £7,500. Nobody was inspired enough to buy it.

About five years later, I had made money working in Alaska and bought a Welsh farm with some other people when I came across my original written proposal and was amazed at how closely it matched the situation at the farm.

So did writing that down make it happen or was it a just a description of the path I was on? Jack Canfield is a proponent of writing down your goals and keeping them in front of you, but maybe writing them down and letting them sink into your subconscious also has power to guide your path.

On milestones like New Year’s Eve or anniversaries, Maude and I frequently talk about how we’re doing and what our vision of the future is – our retrospective and prospective views, if you will. Occasions like these give us permission to step back from the daily concerns and take a broader view. It is a way to explore what we want for the future – personally, as a couple, in our social life, and in society generally. It is very grounding to get in touch with these wants and needs and share them with each other. And – surprise! – we share so much in common.

It’s 2022 now, but don’t feel you have to wait a year for this exploration. Whether by yourself or with a friend or partner, make some time to contemplate your life on this earth.

MAUDE: For us, the start of a New Year is an opportunity to dig deeper on both a personal and mutual level. We ask where are we in our life and what do we want for ourselves and our relationship. This can be a fruitful and inspiring activity to practice in any of your more intimate relationships with loved ones: family, partners and friends.

We dedicate time in the beginning of the year for reflecting on our inner and outer journey and sharing that with each other. We leave all else aside to revel in this sharing. We travel to a space together where we are conscious of being fully present and at peace; available with our full selves. We like to fill this place with verbalizing and visualizing the best possible thoughts and images of our individual and shared life. This time together is playful and creative.

This process of shared reflection serves to ground us in an awareness of the larger themes in our life and in our relationship. What is motivating each of us, what pulls us forward, what fascinates us? What are we here for, how can we help each other? Can we use our relationship to further the greater good and how can we do this? What makes us laugh and gives us pleasure?

This is not a parade of resolutions and promises of what we will do or accomplish. This is not goal setting in its usual sense. These creations are wrought with laughter and imagery and then blown forth in beautiful air bubbles to germinate and grow.

We love starting the year like this and invite you to try it. Both people need to be willing to give the time and presence to this activity, so if you are planning this kind of journey with a friend or partner, make sure to discuss it and make time together to explore and enjoy the opportunity.

The more air bubbles filled with intentions for love, peace and joy, the better we will all be!

Photo credit: Phil Mayes
Photo note: A montage of clock photos. The background image is the mechanism of the Santa Barbara Courthouse clock.

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Successful Relationship Reading Corner

Books on shelfThis week, we wrote about the way we use special occasions to take a longer view of our relationship and the larger themes in our lives. Here are some posts with suggestions on how to do this.

Making These Resolutions Can Improve a Relationship "To help improve intimacy and romance with your partner in the new year, here are four key strategies to consider, according to relationship experts."

23 Of The Best Relationship Goals To Nurture Intimacy "Have you ever considered creating real relationship goals to protect and enhance your love with your spouse or partner? Ask anyone who is married or in a committed relationship what their number one priority is, and the majority of people will say, “My partner/spouse.” But as important as our love relationships are to our health and happiness, it is curious how little time we spend taking care of them."

15 New Year's Resolutions Couples Can Make As a Team! "Resolutions are great because they gives you a chance to clear your mind, reflect on what’s important to you, and move in a positive direction, provide concrete goals that can give you focus and stability, and show others that you are striving towards your dreams. You can’t imagine the number of people that will be positively impacted!"

Spreading peace one relationship at a time
Phil and Maude
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