For the New Year, Share Your Loves and Longings in Your Relationships

For the New Year, Share Your Loves and Longings in Your Relationships

PHIL: Many years ago, when I was squatting in London with a bunch of other people, I wrote a proposal that we should all find a place in the country and move there. I even organized a visit to a derelict mansion for sale in the west country – I think the asking price was £7,500. Nobody was inspired enough to buy it.

About five years later, I had made money working in Alaska and bought a Welsh farm with some other people when I came across my original written proposal and was amazed at how closely it matched the situation at the farm.

So did writing that down make it happen or was it a just a description of the path I was on? Jack Canfield is a proponent of writing down your goals and keeping them in front of you, but maybe writing them down and letting them sink into your subconscious also has power to guide your path.

On milestones like New Year’s Eve or anniversaries, Maude and I frequently talk about how we’re doing and what our vision of the future is – our retrospective and prospective views, if you will. Occasions like these give us permission to step back from the daily concerns and take a broader view. It is a way to explore what we want for the future – personally, as a couple, in our social life, and in society generally. It is very grounding to get in touch with these wants and needs and share them with each other. And – surprise! – we share so much in common.

It’s 2022 now, but don’t feel you have to wait a year for this exploration. Whether by yourself or with a friend or partner, make some time to contemplate your life on this earth.Dedicate time in the beginning of the year to reflect on your inner and outer journeys together Click To Tweet

MAUDE: For us, the start of a New Year is an opportunity to dig deeper on both a personal and mutual level. We ask where are we in our life and what do we want for ourselves and our relationship. This can be a fruitful and inspiring activity to practice in any of your more intimate relationships with loved ones: family, partners and friends.

We dedicate time in the beginning of the year for reflecting on our inner and outer journey and sharing that with each other. We leave all else aside to revel in this sharing. We travel to a space together where we are conscious of being fully present and at peace; available with our full selves. We like to fill this place with verbalizing and visualizing the best possible thoughts and images of our individual and shared life. This time together is playful and creative.

This process of shared reflection serves to ground us in an awareness of the larger themes in our life and in our relationship. What is motivating each of us, what pulls us forward, what fascinates us? What are we here for, how can we help each other? Can we use our relationship to further the greater good and how can we do this? What makes us laugh and gives us pleasure?

This is not a parade of resolutions and promises of what we will do or accomplish. This is not goal setting in its usual sense. These creations are wrought with laughter and imagery and then blown forth in beautiful air bubbles to germinate and grow.

We love starting the year like this and invite you to try it. Both people need to be willing to give the time and presence to this activity, so if you are planning this kind of journey with a friend or partner, make sure to discuss it and make time together to explore and enjoy the opportunity.

The more air bubbles filled with intentions for love, peace and joy, the better we will all be!

Photo credit: Phil Mayes
Photo note: A montage of clock photos. The background image is the mechanism of the Santa Barbara Courthouse clock.

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4 Comments on “For the New Year, Share Your Loves and Longings in Your Relationships

  1. Happy New Year, you two!

    Phil, the comment you made that piqued my own interest most was “So did writing that down make it happen or was it a just a description of the path I was on?” I’d love to hear further meanderings on that question…;)

    Here’s to a deeply fulfilling 2022 — what a great number this one is, hahaa.


    • I am intrigued by the feeling I often have that the thought or understanding is just articulating some deeper sense; that I knew it anyway, but hadn’t yet had words for it.

  2. Wow! I listened to the blog this time, so I could do some stretching. I was struck by how Phil read Maude’s writing with such complete comprehension and love. To be fully understood must be the best kind of being loved. I will take some time with my partner to practice the gratitudes and goals together, maybe putting it down on paper. I actually have a notebook called “Gratitudes and Goals” because I like to see where I’ve come from and where I’m going on each of the paths I’m traveling. I think you can align more clearly with your goal when you see how far you’ve come and how much you’ve been blessed and supported along the path already! It will be fun to do this with Gordon. Love to all in the new year!

    • Thanks Jinjeee! I really enjoy reading aloud. I think it started in my 30s when I read the whole of “Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas” to my house members. Not in one sitting, of course.
      We both did morning pages from “The Artist’s Way” for a while, and I found that it revealed both ideas and emotions that were hidden.

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