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What Are Core Values, and What Are Yours? Part I

Core values – what exactly are they?
 They differ from person to person, and if your partner’s values don’t match yours, they will emerge as irreconcilable differences in your most serious arguments. That is why it is so important to make sure those values match when entering a relationship. If you are having issues in an existing relationship, this is also the area to focus on and to look for mutual agreement, because when you match there, you can always find resolution in other areas.

Before you can evaluate whether your core values are in consonance with your partners, you have to know what they are for you. In order to have a successful relationship, it is important that you spend time getting to know yourself and what the true core issues are for you in life. Having done that, you will want to look at both the actions and words of your partner to see if there is a true match possible.

Read on by clicking here.

In Part II of core values, we will be sharing our personal stories, and would love to hear some of yours, too. Write to us about what values are important for you. In our latest book "How Two: Have a Successful Relationship," we asked a number of couples about core values. Here is an excerpt from one of the conversations we had:

Phil and Maude: Do you have basic core values you share?

Jacqueline: Yeah, total transparency and honesty, and speaking your truth, and sharing with the other person how you want it – not making assumptions that the other person can read your mind. I want to be informed of what he likes, the same way I would like to tell him what I like. It’s not fair for him to be guessing and for me to be begrudging something for lack of communication. So communication is a crucial core value.

Michael: It’s key. As Jacqueline said, authentic communication, vulnerable communication, a willingness to hear what might be uncomfortable and might feel threatening to my ego, but I’d much rather hear it now than pretend I didn’t hear it or pretend it’s not there. And so that is definitely absolute. That and the insistence on being fully present for each other. That, I would say, is also core, a core part of our relationship.

This and many more topics vital to having a peaceful relationship are covered in our book "How Two: Have a Successful Relationship". Get it now in print or ebook from Amazon.

Goodreads Giveaway This Week!

We are running a Goodreads Giveaway through Dec.11th. We are offering free autographed print copies of our book. Sign up for Goodreads and go to our giveaway for a chance to win your free copy of “How Two: Have a Successful Relationship”. Tell your friends, too.

Signing up is simple — you just enter your name, email, and a password.

(In case you don’t know, Goodreads is a free website for book lovers. Imagine it as a large library that you can wander through and see everyone's bookshelves, their reviews, and their ratings. You can also post your own reviews; catalog what you have read, are currently reading, and plan to read in the future; join a discussion group; start a book club; contact an author; and even post your own writing.)


Successful Relationship Reading Corner

In this week's blog we wrote about what core values are. These posts have some excellent perspectives on this topic. We think you'll enjoy them.

Understanding your core values in relationships (no they’re not your common interests) "One of the things that people are most confused about and that I get asked a lot of questions about, is the issue of ‘common interests’ and letting superficial things inadvertently get mixed in with your ‘core’ values. Over the past few days I’ve been talking about value and values in relationships, and in this post, I put a clear division between the nice to have stuff that doesn’t actually cause your relationship to endure unless you have the ‘core’ values covered off."

Core Values Assessment This page has a quiz for both of you. "Values are the cornerstone of your relationships and determine what you believe about money, free time, work, friends, intimacy, clothes, politics, family, and spirituality. Values drive your actions and add meaning to your life. One of your essential roles in relationships is to identify your values: first as an individual and then together if in an intimate relationship."

The Love Doctor on Archetypes, Core Values and Relationships "Do you ever wonder why certain patterns seem to happen over and over with the people you date or with your current partner? You know, like constantly being attracted to the wrong person or wanting your partner to be someone they aren’t or can’t be? These types of frustrating relationship patterns can usually be traced back to the notion that you and your partner are opposite in a key life value that is important to you."

Spreading peace one relationship at a time
Phil and Maude
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