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Love and Fear as Factors in a Relationship

... We used to live in an environment where what we feared could kill us, and it paid to err on the side of caution. Is that a stick or a snake across the path? If you wrongly assume a stick, it could be fatal. This historical cautiousness leads us to exaggerate our fears.

The antidote to all this is daylight. The key to avoid being controlled by our emotions is to be aware of them and to realize that, say, feeling angry about something and acting upon it are two separate things. By owning the anger, you have the choice of what to do with it.

And so with fear. It is almost always about events in the future. Bring out that fear. Look at it. If it is real and your electricity is about to be shut off, do what you need to do to avert it, but most fears are not so certain. A possibly apocryphal story: Napoleon would delay opening mail for three weeks because he found that most problems had resolved themselves by then. Most of the things we fear do not come to pass.

When we act from love in solving the decisions of our relationships, a very different dynamic presents itself.

This can be seen in several stories we have heard from couples about their relationship experiences.

Click here to read their stories.

Click here to hear the audio of the whole blog.


Successful Relationship Reading Corner

In this week's blog we looked at fear and love and how they affect relationships. There is some good writing here on those twin forces.

To Love or to Fear? "In my life, I have begun to realize that behind the veil of every feeling I have ever experienced since I was a little girl, there have always been only two core emotions which brought forth actions and reactions: love and fear. These two emotions are the directors behind every expression of thought. They are the drivers of the bus. They are the captains of the ship."

Loving the Unknown "The voice of fear fills our minds with thoughts that project into the future and expect the worst. Should I or shouldn’t I? What if I do—or don’t? The imagination runs wild thinking of every negative scenario that could happen. And the effect of these projections? You feel stuck, you limit yourself, or you resign yourself to playing it safe. Your attention is captured in fear-infused thoughts, while you’re missing the beauty of what is real and alive right here and now."

Five Clues That Your Decisions Are Based on Fear "Once you’re aware that certain types of fear are more likely to occur in relationship situations and you accept how insidious they can be. You can begin to watch for clues that your decisions are being based on fearful thinking (as opposed to clear thinking). Here are five things that are often signs of fear-based decisions."

Spreading peace one relationship at a time
Phil and Maude
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