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Choose How You Want Your Relationship To Be

The other day we were visiting some dear friends who had just moved in together, after they had dated for four years while living separately. They described to us their unique arrangement of sleeping together and sleeping apart. They had decided that they would keep the same pattern (at least in the beginning) that had worked for them when they were living separately. They would sleep together three nights a week, and on the other nights, they would maintain their privacy within their home and honor each other in separate spaces.

Choosing how you live your relationship applies in every area. The important point is to pick an arrangement that you like and to keep experimenting till you find out what works for both of you. There are so many societal and familial expectations and images of what constitutes a relationship or marriage. These often have nothing to do with the individuals involved, but rather are things that were originally necessary for survival, for child rearing or for what was thought to be the good of the community at large. It’s no longer the 1950s, but our culture is still full of these: use a bed to sleep in; own a smart phone; don’t wear clothes with holes in (unless they’re jeans!)

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Successful Relationship Reading Corner

In this week's blog we wrote about choosing how you want your relationship to be. Here are a variety of articles that talk about this, often in the context of writing about the different kinds of relationships that people have.

Creating A Unique Relationship Template "I finally realized that becoming a viable partner would always elude me until I did the requisite emotional homework. I’d grown weary of short-term relationships and was eager to experience the real deal."

Patterns of Relationships (The type in this article is very small; use Ctrl-Plus to enlarge it.) "Most of us have some kind of idea in our minds about how a "good" or "correct" relationship is supposed to be. We can cause ourselves needless distress by comparing our own relationships with such an idea of what a relationship "should be like" and then concluding that our own is defective by comparison. Psychologists may imply something of that sort when they formulate criteria for a "healthy relationship" which few real couples ever meet."

Do You Create Your Own Relationship “Rules”? "...every relationship has its own personality, made up of two unique individuals, and the things that work for one may not work for another.  Just like each person is able to give to the relationship in his own way.  We can’t change them. And is that such a bad thing?"

Spreading peace one relationship at a time
Phil and Maude
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