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How Do Differences in Your Relationship Strengthen It?

To be in a successful relationship, it is very helpful to know and be comfortable with yourself.

We all try to fit in with each other, just as the birds in a flock act together. We make ourselves more attractive to other people by how we dress, speak, behave and react. It is ubiquitous, yet the influence of others on us is hard to notice. Coming to know yourself includes recognizing these influences and choosing which are appropriate.

The more you understand yourself, the easier it will be to experience an undefended state with each other because you will not put up a false front to make yourself acceptable. This leads to a full sharing of who you are, and an acceptance of the differences between you. These differences are inherently present with any two people as a result of the completely unique nature of each individual. They are an enrichment of who you are and can greatly add to your quality of life, but only when you do not feel assailed or attacked or afraid of the difference.

Many people, especially when young, enter into a relationship from a sense of incompleteness; some void they want to to be filled, some fear they need assuaged. As we come to know ourselves better, we come to terms with these needs, and are quite happy with our lives as individuals, and yet we still desire an intimate partnership. When we reach out from this place, we generally seek something other than ourselves, something to add to us.

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Successful Relationship Reading Corner


In this week's blog, we asked how do differences in your relationship strengthen it? Here are some other articles covering aspects of that.

Relationship advice: five experts reveal the secrets to long-term love "One of the more ridiculous myths about “true love” is the idea of the soulmate – that there is someone out there who is your perfect match. A good relationship is about navigating the numerous differences between you – over politics, food, money, how to raise children. It’s those differences that make life more interesting, as our lover opens up a whole new way of seeing or understanding the world. Enjoy what others have to offer rather than trying to change them to fit your own template of how life and love should be."

10 Ways Overcome Conflicts in Relationships and Grow Together "About six months into a serious relationship with my boyfriend, we started experiencing major conflict. Fighting over small things, flipping out over misunderstandings, we just couldn’t seem to get on the same page about anything. This caused me to think about relationship conflict in general, what causes it, and how to deal with it."

Relationships and how to manage them well "Human relationships are infinitely complex and problems can manifest from many different sources. It can be helpful to take time to explore and unpick the mixture of these influences."

Maude at Second Annual Indie Author Day

Fun day at the downtown Santa Barbara Public Library 

Spreading peace one relationship at a time
Phil and Maude
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