Home Archive Prev Next

How to Be Both Together and Separate in Your Relationship

The very concept of being together and separate is a cornerstone of our relationship. We used a Rilke quote about this in our wedding vows. It has been clear to us from the start that we both wanted to share the greatest of intimacy and at the same time support each other in our lives as independent autonomous people

As clear as this has always been, we have grown and developed a much deeper understanding of what is required to live a life where deep sharing and individual personal progress are both supported and joyfully celebrated. 

The key to this is the ABC of Acceptance, Balance and Communication. 

Acceptance: For this sort of mutuality to exist there must be a kind of total acceptance, in which each partner rests secure in the other.

Balance: A critical part of achieving this type of loving flow between together and apart is to reach a balance of these states.

Communication: The way to avoid getting lost in either part of this balance between self and union is to stay in the present together and communicate what is happening.

Click here to read more, including the wonderful Rilke quote.

This is where you can hear Phil read it to you, quote and all.

Successful Relationship Reading Corner


In this week's blog, we wrote on how to be both together and separate in your relationship. Here are some articles to that topic.

Time Together vs. Time Apart: Which Is More Important? "How much time should a couple spend together? Apart? That’s the tug and pull of many couples. Too much time together could make one partner feel suffocated. Too much time apart could make one partner feel isolated."

The 10 Secrets of Happy Couples "There is no substitute for shared quality time. When you make a point of being together, without kids, pets and other interruptions, you will form a bond that will get you through life’s rough spots. Time spent together should be doing a shared activity, not just watching television. Perhaps going against conventional wisdom, spending time apart is also an important component of a happy relationship. It is healthy to have some separate interests and activities and to come back to the relationship refreshed and ready to share your experiences. Missing your partner helps remind you how important he or she is to you."

Why Every Couple Should Have Individual Alone Time "Being one half of that perfect couple... the couple still in the honeymoon period, years after that first passionate kiss. Having that long-lasting relationship, where you still lust after one another like lovesick teenagers. It's what every man and woman dreams of... and I had it. The secret ingredient to being that constantly smitten couple was actually hidden in the time we spent apart. Here, I'll explain exactly why that's so important:"

Spreading peace one relationship at a time
Phil and Maude
Read our blogs at PhilAndMaude.
Like us on Facebook
Follow us on Twitter and Instagram
Email us at philandmaude@philandmaude.com
If you are interested in newsletters you've missed, see our archive.
Do you know anyone who would enjoy this newsletter? Tell them to sign up at http://philandmaude.com/howtwo/.