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Truth and White Lies In Your Relationship

We each wrote separately about white lies this week.

PHIL: In my relationship, there is one thing I cling to like a branch that saves me from drowning. Maude always tells me the truth. It gives me a sense of security. I know where I am because I know where she is. If “I don’t care, you choose” or “It didn’t cost much” or “I left my phone on mute” were untrue on occasion, it would feel like Google Maps being wrong once a week.

I grew up in a family where truth seemed a very selective value....

MAUDE: In considering white lies, to do or not to do, there are two basic guideposts we can use whenever we are not sure of how much of what we think should actually be shared. One is the golden rule, a guidepost for every action in relationships and the other is Love. Love is our guide whenever we are uncertain.

I am most comfortable knowing that my dear ones tell me the full truth. That way there is never a build up of half-truth or resentment from not saying what you really feel. I am happy to hear what others see and hear. I am even happier when these sharings are done with kindness and generosity of spirit, always assuming the best of each of us.

Click here to read our full stories, or click to listen to Phil's narration.

Reading Our Work on Successful Relationships

We are doing a public reading and Q&A on Successful Relationships this Tuesday, May 1st at Mosto Crudo at 7:30 pm. It's a tapas and wine bar at 7 W Haley St. that has been organizing a writer's reading every Tuesday.

It would be great if you would come out and support this event! Bring a friend, too. Come early and enjoy a drink and a delicious nibble.

We would really enjoy seeing you there. You can park in the public lot on Anacapa just before Haley and walk over.

Successful Relationship Reading Corner


In this week's blog, we write about truth and white lies in your relationship. Here are some links to some interesting studies and thoughts on this topic.

Little White Lies: How Dishonesty Affects Intimate Relationships "Whatever the type of lie or reason behind it, when we lie so frequently, we build up a tolerance for lying itself. This means it can become easier to tell bigger lies when we think they’re called for. And while we may tell white lies to protect others, we might also begin to lie more to protect ourselves. This is where the problem begins. We may justify lying to ourselves as lying to protect a relationship, but actually we’re doing it to save our skin."

Little White Lies: How Dishonesty Affects Intimate Relationships "There are thousands of ways we can deceive one another—and ourselves. On one hand, we can deliberately mislead others to enhance our own personal gain, deny responsibility for having done something wrong, or cheat or steal to get ahead. Then there are smaller fibs—like telling white lies to ease a friend’s distress or displaying confidence in our abilities when we have little to no idea what we’re actually doing. Hey, we've all done it. But studies suggest lying can take a toll on our wellbeing and interfere with the quality of our relationships. Time for some real talk about all this deception."

Even Little White Lies Hurt Your Health "Still, simply because lying has become “common” doesn’t make constant lying “normal.” It’s terrible for your mental health, for one.  Something you may have become immune or numb to is that sick feeling inside yourself when you tell a lie.  That’s your conscience telling you, “This is wrong and you shouldn’t be doing it.” Depending on the lie, that sick feeling can grow.  Over time, it can become a constant knot in the pit of your stomach or cause you to lose sleep or trigger depression."

Spreading peace one relationship at a time
Phil and Maude
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