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How to Reach a Mutual Solution in Your Relationship

The Spectrum of Acceptance Part 3

We want an easy relationship. Who wouldn’t? Apparently lots of people who replicate their dysfunctional past because it’s familiar in both senses of the word. But we do, and so when we have a disagreement or we need to make a decision, we’ve found that we can reach a solution without ever having to see each other as being on opposite sides.

The first thing that makes this possible is that we have the same core values. We don’t feel that the other person is going to dishonor who we are. The second is that we have found that there are always, always multiple possibilities and together we can co-create a solution that represents the two of us. This works because our surface desires are expressions of more basic wants, and those in turn go deeper until we reach core needs, and because those match, we are always able to find alignment at some point in this descent of desires.

We looked into how we were able to do this and identified different aspects which together make up what we call Our Process. You too can apply this in your relationship, and the more you do it, the easier and the more enjoyable it will become.

Find out how by clicking here, or click here to have Phil tell you.

Successful Relationship Reading Corner


This week's blog is about how to reach a mutual solution in your relationship. It's the third of three posts on the spectrum of acceptance. Here are some articles covering how to resolve differences with your partner.

Solve Tough Dilemmas With the Win-Win Waltz This is by Susan Heitler, who we greatly respect for her position on conflicts. "Would you like to resolve all your conflicts without arguing?  No more "My way!", "No my way!" fights?  Learn instead the three steps of the win-win waltz. The three steps of win-win waltzing help you to understand each other's concerns instead of locking into adversarial positions."

Our Conflict-Free Relationship This is a guest post from us. "Our view on conflict in relationships is radically different from the common one, which holds that conflicts are unavoidable, even important and necessary. In our experience, this is a fallacious assumption that sets up and perpetuates a negative mindset. Couples are primed to expect adversarial exchanges in which they take different sides, creating an illusory separation between them."

Problem solving - 3 step guide "Don't let problems tear you apart. Learn from them and use the solution process to help you create an even more intimate and satisfying marriage. While relationship problems are varied and complex, we believe that most relationship problems are by-products of ineffective or counterproductive communication within the relationship"

Spreading peace one relationship at a time
Phil and Maude
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