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How To Avoid Compromise in Your Relationship

Oh, what I do to keep peace in my relationship!” This was the frequent refrain of a dear friend, and when asked further what he meant by that, he explained “Well it seems I’m always giving something up to keep my partner happy.”

This experience of compromise is one that many people seem to have; they feel they must give up something to get something else.

Compromising is giving something up; how can you repeatedly be doing that and still live a fulfilled life? It’s a consequence of a mindset of limited resources and competition between people.

Replace that instead by the ideas that life is cooperation not competition, that there are more possibilities than you’ve thought of, that it’s quite likely that your current choice is not the best there is, and that changing your mind shows adaptability, not weakness. When your partner can play and explore in the same way, it becomes a puzzle game, not a struggle.

Click here to find out what you can do instead of compromise, or click here for Phil to read it to you.

Successful Relationship Reading Corner


This week's blog is about how to avoid compromise in your relationship. Here are some other writers' takes on this topic.

How Compromise Is Actually Hurting Your Relationship (And What To Do Instead) "Compromise implies that both people have to give up something they want in order to come up with a solution that is tolerable for both. While this all sounds noble and selfless, I think compromise as a solution may do more harm than good. Viewing compromise as your ideal solution requires that we enter a mindset of need rather than empowerment. We assume all we can get is the bare minimum rather than asking for what we really want. We settle rather than flourish."

Want a great marriage? Don't compromise—try this instead "'Don't compromise yourself. You're all you've got.' – Janis Joplin. Janis's fierce dedication to herself is potent advice. And I can't think of anyone in need of such fierce dedication more than parents. Speaking from my own personal experience and from the work I do with couples in my couple therapy practice, I can say that the struggle is real. It is so easy to compromise ourselves for our kids or our partners and convince ourselves we're sacrificing for a greater good. Yet repeatedly doing this can create serious problems down the line."

Create a Successful Marriage: Don't Compromise! "'Compromise—no matter how difficult—is a necessary part of any successful, enduring marriage.' I emphatically disagree. Not only is compromise NOT a recipe for success in relationships, but compromise is exactly why so many marriages fail. It's true that we are all very different and that conflict often occurs because of these differences. That's not going to change—we will always be unique. However, honoring differences and learning to explore what's important to each other is part of what makes a relationship so rich, exciting, and surprising—and that's what makes compromise so unappealing."

Spreading peace one relationship at a time
Phil and Maude
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