Home Archive Prev Next

The Challenge of Accepting My Partner's Approach to Illness

Hi, Maude here. I’ve been facing some challenges to our usually very easy practice of total acceptance in this last period of time.

What is this issue that has been so difficult for me? Healthcare and how Phil and I differ on how to deal with illness. On the surface this would seem to be a difference like any other difference, that I/we could just deal with by finding mutual solutions, by communicating our feelings, and by our easy trust of each other that leads to total acceptance.

But this hasn’t worked with this one, and it has brought up for me all kinds of feelings that are difficult and very charged.

Neither Phil or I have been sick very often. We have been blessed, but I also know that with maturing age, we will be facing this more and more.

When I am ill, I bring everything I know to bear to combat the problem. I get information if I don’t already have it, I apply all methods available to conquer the illness, boost my immune system, and get me back to functioning at top level. I have worked in healthcare from many angles and am reasonably well informed. I’m not saying I don’t allow my body to rest and recuperate, as I do, but I also work toward my health diligently.

When Phil is ill (sorry couldn’t resist), he beds down to wait it out, grin and bear it, so to speak. He pretty much refuses to take anything or do much of anything. He greets suggestions with refusal and will growl about it being his body and pushes back quite strongly against any attempt to offer or push actions to better the situation.

Normally this would be a great example of how people (perhaps genders) handle issues differently, and would be a perfect place to apply total acceptance, get out of the person’s way and just accept that they have a different way of doing things than I do.

Well, as I’ve said that didn’t work for me this time...

Click here to read Maude's resolution, or click here for Phil to read it to you.


Successful Relationship Reading Corner


Maude wrote in this week's blog about her challenges of accepting Phil's approach to illness. Here are some articles about acceptance in relationships.

Acknowledging and Accepting Your Mate "What sets the affirming couple apart from others? After all, most couples begin their relationship with a variety of shared, positive experiences based on their mutual attraction and emerging love. One difference, however, is that affirming couples — that is, those in which the partners extend unconditional respect and consideration to one another — have often witnessed other affirming relationships while growing up. Their expectations and practical skills support their ability to acknowledge and accept their partner, which may not be the case in relationships that deteriorate over time"

Understand and accept differences in your relationship "Things just are, until you make something out of it. Life is the way it is. The world is the way it is.. Your partner is the way he/she is. This is so, until the moment you make something out of it. Be aware that in that process of creation your judgment and prejudice slips in."

Accepting Differences in Marriage "The old saying, ‘opposites attract’ is often true. The difficulty is once they marry they drive each other crazy. Our opposites tend to fascinate us because they add variety to life and pull us from our comfortable rut of familiarity. Accepting differences is difficult. Opposites stretch us beyond ourselves, forcing us to broaden our horizons. They add depth and provide opportunities for growth. It’s from them that we learn our most difficult lessons. They expose us to thoughts, feelings, and experiences that are foreign to us. They balance our lopsidedness and make us more complete."

Spreading peace one relationship at a time
Phil and Maude
Read our blogs at PhilAndMaude.
Like us on Facebook
Follow us on Twitter and Instagram
Email us at philandmaude@philandmaude.com
If you are interested in newsletters you've missed, see our archive.
Do you know anyone who would enjoy this newsletter? Tell them to sign up at http://philandmaude.com/howtwo/.