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Do You Have Thumbtacks in Your Relationship?

Thumbtacks. It’s a metaphor about total acceptance that works so well that we used it in both our books, and we’ve found that it resonates well with others, too.

Picture yourself barefoot, leaping and prancing around on a dance floor. You feel totally free to be completely yourself. You can express yourself however you want. Now imagine one thumbtack being introduced. (Drawing pins to our English readers!) You don’t know where it is on the floor or when you will encounter it. You can no longer let the muse of dance take wing. You never know when you will come down upon that one thumbtack; every step is a risk.

Thumbtacks represent, of course, lack of total acceptance from your partner. They’re criticisms, irritations, demands; they all want you to act differently in some way. Your partner doesn’t accept you as you are. But when there are no thumbtacks, when your partner offers what we call 100% acceptance, the effect is transforming.

Click here to find out what we call "the 100% factor," or click here for Phil to read it 2U.

Friday Feature: Surrender Yourself to the Relationship

This week, we’re pleased to share with you a guest post by Bruce Kirkpatrick. We think you’ll enjoy his slant on relationships. Bruce starts out:

The word surrender often gets a bad rap. Surrender can be what you do when you are defeated—like in a war or a battle or a competition. It can mean that you lost, you gave up. Our society teaches that strength, independence and fortitude are qualities to admire. But not surrender.

But in relationship, surrender can hold the essence of serenity, a giving up of individual victories for the sake of not just the other person, but of the union itself.

Click here to read the rest of Bruce's post.

Plant Food and Medicine Conference

A reminder that our friend Jacqueline Lopez is organizing this wonderful conference in Santa Barbara, CA this coming Saturday. Here is what she says about it:

We are pleased to invite you to the Santa Barbara 2018 - Plant Food & Medicine Conference at the SBCC West Campus on Saturday, October 27th. To learn more and reserve your seat go to https://plantfoodandmedicine.org
This conference features a feast of science-based and wisdom talks with Q&A on the following topics:
  • How to Put “Easy & Delicious” Into Plant-Based Meals (keynote by Celebrity Chef Melissa Costello)
  • Eat What Heals You – The Power of Plant-Based Nutrition (keynote by Jim Adams, Ph.D. USC)
  • Herbs – Nature’s Super Supplements (seminar)
  • Empowered Diets for Miraculous Healing (seminar)
  • Cannabis 101 – The Real Deal on How Cannabis Heals You (seminar)
  • Healing Plants of Santa Barbara’s Trails and Gardens seminar)
  • A Cancer Survivor’s Journey to Total Well-Being Through Nutrition (seminar)
  • Essential Oils – Awaken the Body’s Innate Healing Ability (seminar)
This is your opportunity to greatly broaden your knowledge on how to prepare easy and delicious plant-based meals while maximizing their benefits to prevent and reverse chronic diseases such as cardiovascular diseasediabetescancer, all the while advocating for sustainable and delicious animal-free food. We look forward to seeing you there!

Successful Relationship Reading Corner


In this week's blog, we asked if you have thumbtacks in your relationship, where thumbtacks represent the lack of  total acceptance. Here are some articles discussing different aspects of this issue.

Be the Change You Wish to See in Your Relationship "If you want your partner to change, start by accepting them for who they are. In The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work, Dr. John Gottman says, “People can change only if they feel that they are basically liked and accepted the way they are. When people feel criticized, disliked, and unappreciated they are unable to change. Instead, they feel under siege and dig in to protect themselves.”"

How to Communicate Your Needs in a Relationship "As we’ve discussed before, many men these days have trouble being assertive. One of the things these “Nice Guys” struggle with is communicating their needs to others. Because they shy away from conflict, and don’t want to trouble or inconvenience others, they constantly let other people’s needs supersede their own, and they find it difficult to articulate their personal goals and desires. Instead, they rely on “mind-reading,” believing their partners should intuitively know what they need without them having to say anything."

8 Ways to Practice Compassion for a Healthier and Stronger Relationship "Let’s consider basic human needs, as taught by psychologist Abraham Maslow. All of our behaviors are driven by our needs, and our needs are derived from our emotional states. After our needs of food and shelter have been met, each of us have very important basic needs—four of which are the need for attention, affection, appreciation, and acceptance. The ways in which we seek these things is dependent upon our level of emotional intelligence, our beliefs, and our core values."

Spreading peace one relationship at a time
Phil and Maude
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