Successful Relationship Reading Corner
In this week's blog, we asked if you have thumbtacks in your relationship, where thumbtacks represent the lack of total acceptance. Here are some articles discussing different aspects of this issue.
Be the Change You Wish to See in Your Relationship "If you want your partner to change, start by accepting them for who they are. In The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work, Dr. John Gottman says, “People can change only if they feel that they are basically liked and accepted the way they are. When people feel criticized, disliked, and unappreciated they are unable to change. Instead, they feel under siege and dig in to protect themselves.”"
How to Communicate Your Needs in a Relationship "As we’ve discussed before, many men these days have trouble being assertive. One of the things these “Nice Guys” struggle with is communicating their needs to others. Because they shy away from conflict, and don’t want to trouble or inconvenience others, they constantly let other people’s needs supersede their own, and they find it difficult to articulate their personal goals and desires. Instead, they rely on “mind-reading,” believing their partners should intuitively know what they need without them having to say anything."
8 Ways to Practice Compassion for a Healthier and Stronger Relationship "Let’s consider basic human needs, as taught by psychologist Abraham Maslow. All of our behaviors are driven by our needs, and our needs are derived from our emotional states. After our needs of food and shelter have been met, each of us have very important basic needs—four of which are the need for attention, affection, appreciation, and acceptance. The ways in which we seek these things is dependent upon our level of emotional intelligence, our beliefs, and our core values."
|
Thumbtacks. It’s a metaphor about total acceptance that works so well that we used it in both our books, and we’ve found that it resonates well with others, too.
The word surrender often gets a bad rap. Surrender can be what you do when you are defeated—like in a war or a battle or a competition. It can mean that you lost, you gave up. Our society teaches that strength, independence and fortitude are qualities to admire. But not surrender.