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How to Defuse Drama in Your Relationship

We were both touched by a letter we received describing a marriage where the writer is criticized over many small things by their spouse. They weren’t seeking advice, just sharing, but it reminded us of a couple we have recently spent time with, and this caused us to have several discussions about this style of relating.

We talked about how a relationship can be treated as a dumping ground for negative emotions like anger, grief or depression. Phil thinks he has done this in the past, and he has certainly seen it. The justification is “You have to accept me at my worst. You have to accept all of me.”

It is the security of a committed relationship that makes people feel safe enough to express their deepest emotions, but instead of going all the way down and owning the roots of those feelings, people stop halfway and involve their partner in the replay of their drama.

Click here to read how to defuse this drama, or click here to hear Phil read it.

Successful Relationship Reading Corner

BookshelfIn this week's blog, we wrote about how to defuse drama in your relationship. Here are some articles looking at this from several different points of view.

How I Broke My Wife and Turned Her Against Me "As I write this, I’m worried my wife is broken. Our relationship is in great peril, because of the things that I have done to her since the start of our marriage. You see, I used to be one of those men who always enjoyed pointing out faults in others. I just couldn’t help it; my mind was on autopilot"

7 Crucial Steps to Minimize Drama in Your Life "For a long time, I lamented all the damaging relationships I’d been in, as if I was some kind of victim who always got the short end of the stick. Then one day I realized there was a reason I always found myself in dramatic relationships: I was attracted to drama like a moth to a flame. ... The things I said and did contradicted because it was easier to blame the world and stay the same than it would be to really see myself and make a change."

3 Ways to Speak Up Without Starting a Fight "The importance of expressing your feelings in an intimate relationship shouldn't be underestimated. Being honest about how you feel allows for bonding and emotional closeness, which improves every aspect of your relationship; withholding how you feel creates distance and disconnection. But even knowing how important emotional expression is, many people fear and avoid expressing their emotions—especially when they are upset. The most commonly cited reason: 'I don’t want to cause a fight.'"


Spreading peace one relationship at a time
Phil and Maude
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