Now is the Time for Learning How To Relate Peacefully

Amidst the pressures of global warming, political upheaval and Covid-19, relationships are more precious and more important than ever. Divisiveness seems to be at an all time high, making methods of finding mutual solutions and learning how to hear each other even more critical than they are normally.

And what is normal? It is becoming increasingly clear that whatever we once considered ‘normal’ is already altered and that we are only at the very beginning of a global transformation in this regard.

We have found the protests of the last three weeks very inspiring and hopeful. To see so many people of every age and color speak out together feels like the spirit of America in the Declaration of Independence has risen from its sleep and spoken. We are not alone in seeing this. Writers everywhere are noting how powerful a movement this is.

We wrote last week about how we each draw strength from our relationship, so we won’t reiterate that, but these times make that very visible. By removing opportunities for distractions like going out, and by changing so much, both now and in the future, the coronavirus has made us very aware of what is unchanged in our lives: where we live, our core sense of self, and our relationship with each other.

Most of us are realizing just how critical all our relationships are to us for our physical and mental well-being. Unexpected consequences of the pandemic have been an ability to connect with friends and family intimately through Zoom and online meeting formats right in our own homes, regardless of physical distance. This has opened up possibilities that previously were mostly reserved for business use.

Our very busy daily lives have in many cases come to a halt, as so many of us shelter in place. Even as things are opening up slowly, there does not appear to be a return to the pre-pandemic level of running and scurrying about that so many peoples’ lives contained. A new level of mindfulness seems to have entered relationships for many people. We are all taking less for granted having lived through the sudden realization of how quickly the basic aspects of our lives can change, how ephemeral they are.

A check we mailed to the IRS was stolen en route and has led to all sorts of further complications and hours on the phone. You don’t need the details; the point is that it’s the kind of event that takes up not only clock time, but runs around in one’s head saying what if, could we, why didn’t we. This alternates with a quiet centered part that says it’s just stuff, it’ll sort out eventually, what’s for dinner.

So all of these live within us: the bank debacle, the hope for the future, the solidity of our relationship with each other, and that still center. The more aware we become, the more we can recognize that place, rest there for a moment, and draw strength before the next wave dashes against us and demands our attention.

This is a perfect moment to commit to learning and practicing tools for peaceful conflict-free relating. We can turn these challenges into opportunities for positive change and a heightened awareness of how we relate to each other. This is an ideal time for breaking out of old patterns and trying new ways to solve things together.

Photo of Maude and Jan; credit: Sam Amato

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Phil and Maude
 
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