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It's Important To Be Kind And Gentle In Your Relationships

Couple relaxingWe were sitting around discussing what to write for this week’s blog. We usually look at what is happening in our relationship and draw from that. As we sat talking, we found that we kept drifting to the overall stress of the situation, the pandemic, the political situation in the world, and of course, the environment. This is, no matter how we look at it, a large part of what is happening for us.

We’ve had months of sheltering in place, of physical distancing and we are all worn down from it. In many places we are faced with large surges in virus cases, with even larger being predicted for the next weeks.

The tension and often fear of such threats can greatly affect the way we behave with one another. We feel it is at times like these, that it is deeply important to pay attention to how we treat each other.

It is so easy when under stress, to become unaware of our tone of voice or our choice of words, or in the case of distance communications, how our words may sound when the person we are ‘speaking’ with can’t touch us, sense our cues or body language, smell our pheromones, or, with text or email, not even see us.

We are both taking extra care to be kind and gentle with ourselves and each other. This is true for our relationships, too.

We are all going through this together and it is only together, working together, loving together and loving each other that we will get through these times and all the changes attendant upon them.

We urge all of you to think of these two words: kindness and gentleness. Make them a mantra. Practice coming from this place within yourself before every interaction, until it becomes part of your natural response to each situation you encounter.

Be kind to each other. And remember to be kind and gentle with yourself! Know that your relationships, your partners in life, your family and friends, your acquaintances are your allies in all of this. We are all on the same side. We must be to come through this to a better day and a better way.

Start with yourself and your closest relationships and let this ripple out toward the greater community.

We will be faced with many challenges. It is easy in this climate to turn against one another. It is so easy to see those not in your circle, even your city for example, as invaders and a threat. Thoughts like “Their beaches are closed, now they are invading us with their germs and trash” and “There he goes, walking down the street without a mask, putting me in danger” can make us see each other as something other than allies.

Don’t let it happen. Face each other with kindness and gentleness and recognize our shared humanity. We must find that path of trust with one another and walk it with gentle steps. Use your closest relationships to practice this way of being with one another. Then slowly spread it out from your center.

Photo credit: Maude Mayes

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We Hope to See You At Our Online Workshop

Our online workshop is only a week away! It's a Zoom meeting starting at 2 p.m. PDT, 5 p.m. EDT. In this workshop, we will be teaching:
  • How to honor individuality within relationships
  • How to transform your relationships through radical acceptance
  • How to avoid the pitfalls that create separation and estrangement
  • How to find mutual solutions to decision making and problem-solving
There will be breakouts where you will be working with each other in separate meeting rooms and an open question and answer session at the end. Participation is limited, so reserve your spot now. Suggested donation is $10. Click here to register.

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Successful Relationship Reading Corner

BookshelfIn this week's blog, we wrote about why it's important to be kind and gentle in your relationships. These articles explain why they are such important qualities in relationships.

The Importance of Kindness "Kindness is defined as the quality of being friendly, generous, and considerate. Science has now shown that devoting resources to others, rather than having more and more for yourself, brings about lasting well-being. Kindness has been found by researchers to be the most important predictor of satisfaction and stability in a marriage. Many colleges, including Harvard, are now emphasizing kindness on applications for admission."

Gentleness is Strength: The 7 Habits of Highly Gentle People "There is nothing that shows your strength better than your gentleness. It might sound a little bit odd. It may come across as some kind of a contradiction, but if you think about it for just a minute it makes sense. 'Most of us, I believe, admire strength. It’s something we tend to respect in others, desire for ourselves, and wish for our children. Sometimes, though, I wonder if we confuse strength and other words–like aggression and even violence. Real strength is neither male nor female; but is, quite simply, one of the finest characteristics that any human being can possess.' – Mr Rogers"

How Kindness Can Strengthen Your Love "One of the main points of the ... key to lasting relationships is kindness and generosity. Based on the research of Gottman and others, 'kindness (along with emotional stability) is the most important predictor of satisfaction and stability in a marriage.' When kindness is expressed in relationship, couples feel more care, consideration, love, and understanding. Kindness contributes to an overall feeling of goodwill and positivity. Partners are inspired and motivated to continue the pattern, which results in a positive cycle of love and generosity."


Spreading peace one relationship at a time
Phil and Maude
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