How to Experience Peace as a Living Reality in Your Relationships

It is more important than ever to be talking about peace now.

PHIL: Peace is a central feature of our relationship. Maybe it arises from the way we relate to each other – the individuality and acceptance we have spoken about so often. Or perhaps it’s the other way round and the peace generates that individuality and acceptance. Or maybe both are true; they go together like ingredients in a cake, and the cake is only the way it is because of everything in it.

Peace is sometimes regarded as an absence or a state of inertness, like the peace of the dead, but thinking that way obscures that it is an actual experience like many others. Just as you can be in a state of agitation or worry or panic, you can also be in a state of peace. It’s a sense of not being pulled in any direction, of contentment, of tranquility. It’s very much connected with being present, because when you’re thinking about the future, you’re planning to change something or be somewhere.

Peace is a state you can reside in, once you have recognized and experienced it. It comes down to having an intention to be that way, and the more you have the experience of being in that space, the easier it is to find and remain in it. Of course you can’t reside there permanently; at least, I can’t. A few weeks ago, I was walking to the store when a homeless person rode his bike at me on the sidewalk saying “Get the $#&@ out of my way.” I jumped aside, and for days, the fantasy of pushing him over as he passed me came to mind. But events like that are the exception in my life.

Maude and I recognize this sense of peace in each other, and that recognition is a strong part of the relationship. And if we can see it in each other then, if I may be so bold, surely others can see it in us, and if you inhabited that space of peace, then other people would see it in you, and that is the way that peace can spread across the world – one relationship at a time.

MAUDE: Given the tensions in the world at this time, it is clear that it is even more important than ever to talk of peace. All our writings, books and blogs are directed toward one thing: spreading peace one relationship at a time.

We write of this not as an abstract concept, not as a theoretical possibility, but as a visceral, palpable experience that we have and that we know is something you all can experience. And that experience can be right now, in this moment and in every moment with every one of your relationships.

A precursor to living in peace is having the intention to do so, and the developing of your appetite for peaceful harmonious relating. Not just an interest but an appetite that pulls you in that direction like the voracious hunger for a long sought after meal. This is strengthened by the understanding that relationships are cooperative, not competitive.

Once that driving desire is there, it becomes a matter of how to achieve it. We have identified four main areas of practice that are the underlying foundation of peaceful relating:

• Core Values: Relating on a level of value and finding resonance within those values. Understanding these deep core values is a vital part of practicing the path to successful relationships. Knowing your fundamental values grounds you in this world and helps you find and maintain relationships with matching values that will create peace in your life. Here are links to a few of our blogs on this topic:
  How Important Are Your Wants And Needs Compared To Your Core Values?
  What Important Core Values Underlie Your Relationship Wants And Needs?
• Individuality and Total Acceptance: Understanding and respecting the profound nature of the uniqueness of each individual. Relating to differences as inspiration, stimuli for growth and non-threatening personal expressions. People are equal and at the same time, people are different. The more you honor each other in your separate identities, the more your togetherness will grow in its expression. Here are links to a few of our blogs on this topic:
  Why Full Acceptance Is The Way To Go
  Are You Losing Your Individuality in Your Relationship?
• Mutuality: Seeking for and creating mutual solutions together. Learning how to examine wants and determine the underlying values being sought. Creating solutions and decisions together that satisfy each of you. This is not compromise, as neither gives anything up. Instead you create together something new, a product of the two of you and an answer for both of you. Here are links to a few of our blogs on this topic.
  How Mutual Solutions Help You to Solve Disagreements and Avoid Arguments
  How to Find Mutual Solutions and Avoid Conflict

These factors all underlie living peace within your relationships. You can have this if you choose in all your relationships! This is not a peace of thoughts and words, but an actual experience; a feeling deep within that brings with it calm, clarity, and an ecstatic freedom of being.

Photo credit: Rita Gelber, the graphic designer for IDWP.
Photo note: I Declare World Peace is a power-of-intention worldwide art experiment that seeks to spread the phrase “I Declare World Peace”. #IDWP

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Successful Relationship Reading Corner

This week in our blog, we felt compelled to write about peace in relationships. Here are some authors writing about peaceful relationships from various angles.

How To Stop Overthinking In A Relationship "If you would like more peace of mind in your relationships and reduce feelings of anxiety, insecurity, or jealousy, then this article is exactly what you are looking for. You may be asking yourself, 'How to stop overthinking in a relationship?'"

Enjoy four kinds of peace "When you’re at peace – when you are engaged with life while also feeling relatively relaxed, calm, and safe – you are protected from stress, your immune system grows stronger, and you become more resilient. Your outlook brightens, and you see more opportunities. In relationships, feeling at peace prevents overreactions, increases the odds of being treated well by others, and supports you in being clear and direct when you need to be."

Wake up! The best relationships aren’t boring, that’s peace Phil and Maude say: Be sure to read beyond the beginning to get the gist of this fascinating article. "When you’re introduced to the foreign reality of a relationship that is good for you, you will also be introduced to a number of “feelings” you likely never really sat with before. And it’s no wonder you easily grow weary in search of something that’s “missing“, when it may not have anything to do with the relationship itself."

Spreading peace one relationship at a time
Phil and Maude
 
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