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Little Changes Can Have Big Results

The other day, Maude created a big shift in our life together. She didn’t plan it that way at all.

As we’ve shared here before, we spend time each evening in what we call our sacred space. During this time we are with each other for the sole purpose of being together. It really doesn’t matter what our activities are during that time. It is about taking time out of whatever else is on our mutual or individual plates, to be with each other, to share and laugh and love together. We hang out, talk, do the crossword, Phil reads aloud, we watch Netflix, or are sexual. The latter usually consumes all the time, as we take a bath, indulge in foreplay and regard the entire time as holy. So when one or both of us has an evening event, we usually forgo the sexual aspect of our sacred space, because at some time we must have decided that we were too tired or whatever for that kind of intimacy.

We’ve been busy recently, and Maude suggested that just because there was little time left of the evening didn’t have to mean that we couldn’t share sexually. A few days later when we talked about this, we found that for both of us, it was a liberating idea. Bingo. A reframing.

Just a little change in thought or deed can have big consequences. Both of us felt a big sense of openness and newness. We’ve felt a lovely breeze come wafting through our house! We were free to do as we pleased, and realized we had fallen into a pattern without even realizing it. Don’t misunderstand: there had been no problems and no dissatisfaction; we had been perfectly happy during this time, but the opening up of different possibilities created an exciting and vitalizing effect.

Read more about what we found out and see how you can use it.


We are strong supporters of Lawrence Gelber, who is a tireless advocate for world peace. We wrote a Friday Feature on Lawrence and his very important project a while back. Read about I Declare World Peace here.
Maude advocates world peace.
Let's spread peace, one relationship at a time.


Successful Relationship Reading Corner

This week in our blog we discussed how little changes can have big results. Here are some interesting discussions of the effect of little changes in your relationship.

9 New Ways to Deepen Your Relationship Bond "If you’re in a happy partnership, married or not, you can keep it that way or make it even better by introducing a few new behaviors and small changes into the relationship. While many relationship experts say you need to focus on fixing what’s wrong, my research shows that adding positive behaviors to the relationship has a much greater impact on couples’ happiness."

Small Changes Make Big Differences "in all the research I’ve done over the years, it is clear that having a great marriage or healing a broken one is usually dependent on the little things, not the big ones! And hundreds of marriage therapists have confirmed this. Most marriage breakdowns are not caused by what you might call the deep, systemic big-ticket problems—for example, by one spouse being a blackout alcoholic or having been sexually abused as a child. Those problems do happen and it is tragic when they do, but they aren’t the majority of cases."

13 Small Changes that Greatly Improve Your Relationship  "Change is not an easy thing to make in a relationship, especially if you’ve been together long-term. It’s not uncommon for couples to sink so deeply into habits and routines that they forget to put effort into their relationship, or they simply can’t tell the difference between what works and what doesn’t anymore.... Well, the good news is that you can change everything about your current situation and empower your relationship. It doesn’t even take massive effort on your part. All you need to do is to implement the tiniest of changes in your routine. and you’ll be shocked at how much of a positive impact it’ll have on your relationship and your life."

Spreading peace one relationship at a time
Phil and Maude
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