Home Archive Prev Next

Reframe Your Feelings and Change Your Relationship

A professor noticed that anxiety and excitement have several physiological markers in common, so she recruited people to sing karaoke, and channeled their anxiety by having them say “I am excited.” This did not change the anxiety, but it did change how the people were able to act. They were more productive, and could achieve their goal more easily just by repeating the sentence “I am excited” out loud before doing the activity they were anxious about.

We can use this in our relationship in the same way by reinterpreting our feelings of fear, anger or separation as excitement and come from mutuality instead of opposition.

Click here to read more and watch the video.

Click here to hear Phil reading the blog.

Successful Relationship Reading Corner


In this week's blog, we suggested that you reframe your feelings and change your relationship. These articles cover the research, some excellent techniques, and a clear discussion of boundaries.

You’re Excited, Not Nervous. You Just Keep Telling Yourself That. "When you are nervous, people like to tell you to calm down, despite the fact that telling someone to calm down rarely, if ever, results in anyone actually calming down. Anyway, as Olga Khazan notes today in the Atlantic, the research shows that we are likely getting this backward — instead of attempting to tamp down your nerves, it may be better to keep them revved up."

A Practical Guide To Reframing Your Thoughts And Making Yourself Happier "Our minds are constantly bombarded with negative thoughts, visions of horrible things that may happen to us, and terrifying reasons not to do the things we want to do. And yet in the end, these horrible things rarely happen. The thoughts cause pain by twisting yourself into thinking that things are not “kol beseder” (everything is ok, or s’all good, in Hebrew). The worst part is that these thoughts disturb us for so long and we never do anything about them! Well, that’s about to change."

Why Healthy Relationships Always Have Boundaries & How to Set Boundaries in Yours "In romantic relationships we often think of boundaries as a bad thing or simply unnecessary. Isn’t our partner supposed to anticipate our wants and needs? Isn’t that part of being in love? Aren’t boundaries callous? Don’t they interfere with the romance and spontaneity of a relationship? Many of Ryan Howes’s clients assume that having boundaries means not having loving feelings toward their partner. But it’s actually the opposite."

Spreading peace one relationship at a time
Phil and Maude
Read our blogs at PhilAndMaude.
Like us on Facebook
Follow us on Twitter and Instagram
Email us at philandmaude@philandmaude.com
If you are interested in newsletters you've missed, see our archive.
Do you know anyone who would enjoy this newsletter? Tell them to sign up at http://philandmaude.com/howtwo/.