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Make Time for Peace in Your Relationship


Phil and Maude as animalsPhil always admired a friend of his, also a programmer, who took time out to go surfing, play volleyball, travel abroad over Xmas. There are people like this who never complain about being busy. And then there’s the rest of us. We find it difficult to step completely out of work mode. (If you’re self-employed, it’s even worse, because there is always a next thing to do.)

Whether working or retired, most of us are busy in today’s world! We are used to taking care of business and are occupied with the upkeep of our daily lives, combined with our service actions. It takes conscious effort to get out of this work mode. We tend to put that first and give it preference, and most of us have been doing this all our lives.

This can easily cause problems in a relationship. It is a general attitude that needs to be overcome and replaced.

It’s not just work as in making a living that sucks up our hours; it’s shopping, cleaning, childcare, parent care, friend care, health care, finance care; the list goes on. We’re sure you’ve read articles that recommend stepping away from the rain of events with date nights or personal time – some form of taking time out to decompress.

But look at that language: “time out” implies that time in is the normal state of affairs, and that being free is the exception. Suppose instead it was called “time in”. It’s an invitation to be yourself. Here is the place where transformation can take place. Simply replace the thought of “time out” with the image of “time in.”

Relationships need to be experienced in the present to stay vital and loving. It is important to have new experiences together, to look at things with freshness, and to infuse our relationships with the intimacy and love that comes from doing this.

To have a partnership filled with living peace, it is necessary to share peace together as a tangible reality. This is not an intellectual construct, but a true feeling, a knowing of peace. For us, we both feel this essence when we are in nature. It has become very important for us to take time in nature and to make this a priority in our life together. We both experience a level of shared peace when in natural settings, and we are able to take this actuality and carry it forward into our interactions and our day to day lives.

There are many studies which show there are benefits to health, well-being and peace from being in natural settings. See NY StateScience DailyU.Minn and The Guardian.

Whether your direct shared experience of peace comes from nature or from other sources, it is important that you renew and refresh your relationship by doing these kinds of activities together. Find these places within yourself and cultivate them together. Find ways to bring these individual actions that bring peace into your shared activities. You will not only be stronger in your union as a result but will also be better at taking care of business and of being of service to others. Oh, and remember, have fun!

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Successful Relationship Reading Corner

BookshelfThis week we blogged about making time for peace in your relationship. Here are some really interesting articles that cover the topics in this blog.

What Is Your Sense Of Peace? "When you’re at peace – when you are engaged with life while also feeling relatively relaxed, calm, and safe – you are protected from stress, your immune system grows stronger, and you become more resilient. Your outlook brightens and you see more opportunities. In relationships, feeling at peace prevents overreactions, increases the odds of being treated well by others, and supports you in being clear and direct when you need to be."

How Walking in Nature Changes the Brain "A walk in the park may soothe the mind and, in the process, change the workings of our brains in ways that improve our mental health, according to an interesting new study of the physical effects on the brain of visiting nature. Most of us today live in cities and spend far less time outside in green, natural spaces than people did several generations ago. City dwellers also have a higher risk for anxiety, depression and other mental illnesses than people living outside urban centers, studies show."

Try Something New Together – Research Shows Engaging In “Self-Expanding Activities” Rekindles The Sexual Desire Of Long-Term Couples "People have a basic drive to learn and develop and to see themselves and the world in new ways. That’s according to the psychologists Arthur Aron and Elaine Aron, who refer to this as our need for “self-expansion”. It follows from their theory that any chance to self-expand should be rewarding, and that if you can self-expand while doing things with your romantic partner then your relationship will benefit. Previous research has hinted that this is the case, finding that when couples engaged in self-expanding activities together – anything that felt new, exciting, interesting and/or challenging – their satisfaction with their relationship increased."


Spreading peace one relationship at a time
Phil and Maude
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