How Your Connections Expand Your World Beyond Yourself
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PHIL: I described an interaction that involved saying “Thank you,” and Maude responded by telling a story about four people who had reached out to her in various ways, and on reflection, she realized how touched and connected she felt, and was strongly moved to let them know about that feeling. No surprise, Maude being Maude, she did so, and it led her to look at connections and how vital they are to our lives.
I’ve been thinking about this, too, starting with the observation that we are social animals: we need to work as a group for our very survival. To do that, we need to agree on how to organize, what to do, and how to behave. How we deal with possessions, sex, food sources, relationship to nature, and so on can vary tremendously across cultures, but it is made easier because we have an innate tendency to copy each other. We tend not to notice this because we are also individuals. We have a sense of ourselves as unique, as different from everyone else, even as we have much in common.
All that is an introduction to the idea that we have this dual nature of both being an individual and part of a group. More than just an idea, these two roles are part of our very nature, and I want to explore past the ideas to the very feelings that underlie them.
Living in a group necessarily means that we have ceded parts of our uniqueness to get along. Unearthing who we are, as opposed to everyone’s expectations of how we should fit in, is a lifetime’s task. I’m not proposing abandoning your obligations to the group; that would make you a sociopath. I’m not suggesting your dark side is given free rein. But we all have a part of ourselves that wants to sing and dance despite disapproving stares.
Along with our sense of self is also the aspect of ourselves that is part of the group – that is what makes us human. Again, this is a very deep part of us, and it lives in our connections. They are part of us, and yet also not part of us, because they require another person. They are a collection of invisible threads, weak and strong, extending in all directions.
To fully connect with another person involves bringing your full self – the one that sings and dances, grieves and fears. Connections change you. The other person sees you in a way that you don’t see yourself (duh!) and reflects you back, and you draw from their differences and take them into yourself. We change each other, and this is power. Not changing by force, but by our presence. We are each other’s gurus.
MAUDE: I’ve recently had a number of experiences that have reinforced for me how important connections are. All connections have this quality, but people are not always aware of it. In your deeper relationships, you can foster this kind of contact. The more you are aware of the power and vitality that connections can offer, the richer will be the benefits you can harness.
This knowledge is what is behind Phil and me calling out to you to join us in spreading peace one relationship at a time. Through the power that connections can bring, it is possible to actually spread peace from one to another, illuminating it with each of our direct and personal insights.
We can even do this as we pass by. Each of my recent interactions has led me to acknowledge the import and meaning of what they have added to me by sharing their feelings and thoughts. In each case, I have felt richer and learned to be more myself as a result of our contact. Some of these exchanges were brief, or even rather cursory. Yet in each case, they led to more love, more peace, and a deep feeling of connection to my inner world.
Speaking or writing to share this with each of them has also been fruitful. I did so without any expectation of return communications, yet in several instances, I did receive them. I was again reminded how powerful it is to feel seen and heard. Such warmth and strengthening passes back and forth when this occurs!
We are all both individuals and members of the greater community. We are all one mortal family, and when we understand this connection to one another, it enlarges our feelings of what we are as individuals. Whether this comes from strangers using my Free Little Library, or fellow passengers on the same spiritual journey, these connections are a rich field for coming to know ourselves, and through this becoming enabled to actualize our potentials.
Let’s be aware and present for these opportunities to relate to one another and treasure them as the riches they represent.
Photo credit: Stranger in food court
Photo note: Maude’s group in Japan
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