Successful Relationships Reading Corner
This week, we wrote that in your relationships, it’s less what you talk about than how you talk about it. Here are a variety of articles we’ve written about different aspects of communication.
Communication and Individuality in a Relationship “When the relationship is filled with honoring and accepting each other, a special kind of trust and security is present. For this to exist, each partner must be willing to share their thoughts and feelings. It is important to stay in regular contact and for that contact to be intimate and totally open. When partners know their partner’s thoughts and feelings, they don’t have to make them up from their fears or insecurities. In our experiences with couples, we have found over and over that when this regular contact does not occur, the couple slowly becomes estranged, and the projections and misinterpretations that occur just deepen the rift that grows between them.”
Why Communicating Strengthens the Connection in Your Relationships “It was the act of being together and sharing our feelings aloud to each other that helped each of us and created warmth and intimacy. It is so important to talk with one another. What we gained did not come from the content of the exchange, from letting each other know some deep hidden truth, or from the clearing up of some misunderstanding. It came from the very act of communicating itself. Speaking these diffuse sensations out loud to Phil helped me to understand and get a thread on what I was feeling, which I was unaware of until I put it into words to him. I heard myself. Hearing what he shared gave me insight into him, but also into myself, as I could relate to what he said. There is such comfort and peace in an open and honest exchange, one that you can only have in a relationship where trust has been developed and has become the natural way to be with each other. This comes from paying attention, listening, and showing that you are present with the other. It comes from talking not only when there are issues, but just for the pleasure of being with each other and knowing what is happening with the other person. It comes from knowing that truth is spoken, and that there is no withholding of that truth. It comes from the practice of staying in touch with one another and from being interested in each other.”
How Communicating From Your True Self Deepens Your Relationships “Most relationship experts list communication as one of the most important kinds of exchanges between people. Phil and I feel this way as well, but it is the kind of communicating that is important to us. In the early part of our relationship, Phil would look at me with full attention and ask, “What is happening here?” And he was truly asking and clearly desirous of hearing my response and discussing it. I must admit that I had not experienced this kind of direct, deep reaching out in the beginning of other romantic relationships. It got my full and very interested attention. Although we often covered many topics, he wasn’t interested in long conversations filled with chitchat. He wanted to converse on our connection, who each of us was, and what was important to each of us. Don’t misunderstand; we laughed a lot, hiked, went out on the usual dates, and walked around our beautiful city. These all happened, and were crucial to our relationship building. Yet, what made the difference was finding out what was important to each of us, and that came through the emphasis within our communication on sharing ourselves with each other”