Understanding core values and learning what yours are is foundational to creating peaceful harmonious relationships. We differentiate values from wants and needs on a spectrum of ever-increasing importance. This scale starts with wants which are the most ephemeral, moves through needs, and then to values which rarely change.
We are completely undefended with each other because we both know that neither of us is ever going to attack the other. We are not in competition. There is never any energy emanating from a desire for power or dominance.
PHIL: Use your voice. You have to say it, not just think it. You have to say what you need, not just what you think other people want to hear or what you think will keep you safe. You have …
Use Your Voice and Say What You Want and Need in Your Relationships Read more »
PHIL: I wrote this reply to a comment on last week’s blog: I have for some time been fascinated with the idea that language is a recent addition to our understanding of the world and has been so successful that …
It’s Important to Look at Your Feelings and Find Words for Them Read more »
Maude was talking with a dear friend who is in a harmonious long term relationship, and was relating an incident that had occurred between her and her husband earlier. It seems that they have their phones synced so that when …
Why Sitting on Your Hurt Feelings Only Makes it Worse Read more »
PHIL: Do you know that feeling of satisfaction that comes from working with someone on a project? It might be sweeping leaves or planning an event. Perhaps it’s cooking together or being on a sports team. Working with other people …
Remember the Shared Purpose at the Heart of Your Relationship Read more »
PHIL: We just watched a documentary on fungi and how the mycelium acts as connections, allowing a strong tree to supply nutrients to a weaker tree. Such mutuality is found everywhere. Bees need flowers just as much as flowers need …
Support Peace in the World by Expanding Your Circle of Trust Read more »
PHIL: I want to talk this week about how we perceive the world. That might sound as if it has nothing to do with relationships, but they are an important part of our lives, and I’ll come to them later. …
How to Integrate Thoughts and Feelings in Your Life Read more »
We were contacted this week by a reader asking about the difference between an argument and a disagreement because the distinction was causing confusion between her, her husband and their adult daughter. These words mean different things to different people, …
How To Avoid a Disagreement Becoming an Argument Read more »
Phil had a relationship in his 30’s where his partner just wanted to be heard, but instead, he would offer advice. He was so accustomed to being called on to fix things like a broken door-lock that such conversations seemed …