Successful Relationships Reading Corner
This week, we wrote about how to create a peaceful relationship in a world that says it’s impossible. Here are some of our previous articles that speak to some of the essentials to achieving this.
You Can’t Love If You’re Not There: Why Presence Matters “So when you are with someone, by all means, share with them what happened and plans for the future, but also take in the sense of being with another person, because this is a deep need that we all have. To do that, look or listen or feel for the stillness. Which doesn’t mean not allowing yourself to move; it means not doing anything, it means just hanging out. Being present like this with someone involves two things. One is paying attention to their words, their pauses, their tone, their body language, and not being distracted by what else is going on in the environment or what you have coming up later in the day. The other is paying attention to what is happening within yourself – your breath, tension, feelings, and thoughts. Just observe them rather than holding on to them. It’s about doing nothing, of just being on a fairground ride, letting it take you on its journey.”
Pay Attention – It’s How to Best Support Each Other “I decided to watch and listen for a clue as to what he really wanted. And here starts the story of a completely different journey than the one I had been pursuing. I had begun with what I wanted for him or imagined being a great way to celebrate. These ideas had very little to do with Phil. They were my creations. As the date drew closer, my observation and hearing of what Phil really wanted and needed became clearer. He would be happy and comfortable with a small intimate celebration with immediate family. I was able to think of just the right place, private enough, but beautiful, quiet enough for everyone to hear, with delicious food and not too much traveling. Phil had said to pass on the word that he wanted no gifts, just the company and cards. I passed the word on about only cards, and our granddaughter picked up the ball for the family, creating gorgeous cards for each family member to write on. Yet, I wanted to give him something that would acknowledge who he is and would bring him joy. Phil is deeply caring about the environment and it lays heavy on his heart at all times. He wants to contribute in this area. So I had a forest planted in his name (120 trees) to be planted in areas that badly need reforestation.”
Make Sure You Pay Attention to Your Relationships “That sense of loving connection arises because in every close relationship, there are not two, but rather three entities; each of the individuals and the relationship itself. By paying close attention, you can be aware of this, that it is not you and not the other person, but exists as a fusion of what each of you brings. This is a thing to cherish and to nurture. Be active in feeding your relationships. Connections that are steeped in truth and the sharing of your inner spirit bring with them calm, joy, and strength to meet the challenges of everyday life. These connections are the riches of your life. Appreciate them, savor them, and when you can, keep them current. As precious as your once-every-so-often relationships are, it is those that you interact with in the present that help you work out the problems of everyday living. It is with those that you share decisions, get advice, complain, rejoice, and grow.”