Successful Relationships Reading Corner
This week, we wrote about why stillness and attention are at the core of peaceful relationships. Here are three of our earlier posts on the importance of attention in relationships.
Pay Attention – It’s How to Best Support Each Other “I share these stories to offer a wonderful experience that can be yours in your relationships as well. Pay attention and learn how to best support each other; not through your own projections, but rather by listening and observing what the other person really wants and needs.This is a simple shift to make, and it brings untold intimacy, joy, and peace into any relationship where you practice it. True support is not about you but about the other. And it is something we can all offer if we only listen and are open to each other.”
Make Sure You Pay Attention to Your Relationships “The sense of loving connection between two people is the heart of every relationship. It is important to take the time to feel and recognize the connection, and to develop the sense of what makes each one precious and unique in its own way.These connections are the riches of your life. Appreciate them, savor them, and when you can, keep them current. As precious as your once-every-so-often relationships are, it is those that you interact with in the present that help you work out the problems of everyday living. It is with those that you share decisions, get advice, complain, rejoice, and grow.Strangely, there is a tendency to stop seeing and appreciating that which becomes familiar. With time, you might even stop feeling and valuing the connection within your relationships. To keep those connections in the present, you have to create shared experiences and take time to just be and to relate to one another. There are many ways to do this. To bring a relationship into your current experience, you must bring it into your present life. That sense of loving connection arises because in every close relationship, there are not two, but rather three entities; each of the individuals and the relationship itself. By paying close attention, you can be aware of this, that it is not you and not the other person, but exists as a fusion of what each of you brings. This is a thing to cherish and to nurture. Be active in feeding your relationships. Connections that are steeped in truth and the sharing of your inner spirit bring with them calm, joy, and strength to meet the challenges of everyday life.”
Why is Attention Important in Your Relationship? “Now apply all of this to your relationships with other people, whether acquaintances or your lover. If you’re not paying attention, you won’t see them. If you’re continually switching attention, you will only see them a little. When you give them your full attention, they become, for that time, your entire world. You see them for who they are, though of course filtered by your beliefs and prejudices. And this other person, whether a checkout clerk or your lover, can feel your gaze, will respond to your attention, because our reactions are very much social in nature. It is only through attention that a relationship exists at all. If you pay no attention, that person does not even exist for you. When you walk with someone, you pay attention to pace and direction, lest you become two separate bodies in the crowd, and so it is in a relationship: it is your true attention to each other that holds it together and makes it real. When that attention becomes mutual full attention, a sacred space is created, that special way of being together that we have recently written about. By not paying attention to past events or future concerns, you can be present to yourself and to your partner. When your mind is not filled up with concerns and your attention is not directed elsewhere, you will experience the magic and fullness of union with another.”