Successful Relationships Reading Corner
This week, we asked why does being present improve your relationships? Here are some posts we’ve written exploring different aspects of this topic.
Are You Emotionally Present in Your Relationships or Just Not There? ” When I am with someone who brings this kind of awareness and attention to the interaction, it has a profound effect on me. I want to share myself with them, and I open up more as a result of the interest and caring being shown to me. This is one of those feedback loops in which this way of behaving generates a more open, unguarded communication from each of the parties involved. When someone is interested and taking the time to pay attention to me, and at the same time shares themselves with me on a deeper level, it creates the same response in me. There is a sense of safety and peace that develops, in which each time you come together (and this can happen at a distance on a Zoom call, or a phone call, as well as in person), you go quite naturally into this kind of communication and way of being with each other.”
In a Relationship, Sometimes Just Being There is Everything “An experience I had with Phil recently reminded me how important it is to just be there for another person sometimes. It sounds so simple and so natural. Just be there. And yet, it can mean so much to the other person. I had something I needed to do, and it was causing me a prolonged state of anxiety every time I thought of it or moved toward taking care of it. I felt so strongly anxious that I didn’t even realize how disproportionate my response was to the situation. I had gotten myself to the point where I could take action and had set up the method of doing that. I still felt almost paralyzed by my anxiety. This was quite unusual for me, as I normally would just bite the bullet and go for it. There was so much swirling around inside me that I went into Phil’s office where he was working and shared what I was about to do. He turned to me with his full attention and listened quietly to me. Then he got up and hugged me, and said, “I’ll just come and sit next to you while you do it.” He didn’t offer to do it. He didn’t try to fix me or change what I was feeling. There was no judgment. He just offered me his presence, his calm, and the unspoken reassurance that I could do this, and I wasn’t alone with my feelings. This changed the entire situation.”
Why It’s Important to Be Fully Present in Your Relationships “It’s been a week where we seem to have had frequent calls for help. Maude described herself as feeling interrupted for a second when asked, and then just thought, here’s an opportunity of service, and switched away from the put-upon sensation that she had very quickly. What I got from that is that you’re in one reality, then reality changes and the question is, how long are you going to be upset at that change before you go “Okay, this is how it is.” And when you can go “Oh, look, a change has happened; this is how it is,” then you totally skip over the regret, the loss, the irritation. This is a beneficial attitude to have in a relationship because the other person is constantly changing: they’re tired, they’re annoying, they need help with something, they’re off doing something, they’re underfoot. Even good changes are a form of disruption.
So this is about being present”