People often spend lots of time and energy in finding a relationship. They will take courses, join online services, and read up on ways to meet and find partners. Much effort goes into deciding if this is the right match; there is discussion with friends and counselors, and lots of attention devoted to deciding yes or no to a particular relationship.
However, it is unfortunately the case that very often once a couple embarks on the path of having a relationship, their efforts, as well as the outside information, support and input seem to cease. The couple thinks that they are alone with the building and succoring of their relationship once it has begun. It is often the case that a couple will only seek outside support or information when their relationship is having a bumpy time and they feel they need help.
Maude used the phrase “feed your relationship” at breakfast, and it immediately clicked for both of us. We realized that in our partnership and those of other successful couples we have interviewed and talked to, continuous nourishment of the relationship makes a huge difference to its actual success.
We participate in many activities and interactions that we feel are really important to feeding our relationship on an ongoing basis, and we think that you too can find a host of fun and nourishing actions to add strength and support to your union.
Feed your relationship and keep it strong; read our blog & find out how #relationships #quote Click To TweetThrough the work on our book, we have interviewed, met and befriended many couples who believe in and support peaceful relating. Finding other people who you can share with and exchange ideas and experiences with is a deep adventure in learning. It is often eye-opening how similar experiences can be; even if they take different forms, the patterns and underlying basis of the actions and interactions is frequently the same.
We read many books and articles in the area of peaceful relating. As we do a weekly blog called Successful Relationship Reading Corner, we are always researching others who write on the same topics in their own style, and this brings much practical advice and information our way. We also do an occasional Friday Feature blog on people and couples working in the area of peaceful relating, and we have had the good fortune to meet with many of these peace workers and share our personal experiences.
We buy a year’s worth of books of stories, poems and erotica every year at the annual Planned Parenthood book sale in our community. Phil reads aloud most nights from this haul. Right now he’s re-reading an anniversary gift, the anthology “Twenty Poems to Bless Your Marriage And One to Save It” by Roger Housden. Roger writes wonderful commentaries on the poems, pulling out the essence in a style that rivals the poems themselves. Speaking of marriage, he writes:
…a marriage proposal is formed from a knowing. You just know, with a knowing of the heart, and not of the rational mind, that this is the person you want to spend your life with. It’s not so much that you make a commitment as you recognize and affirm that a commitment is already there in the quality and nature of your being together. To bring forth that recognition in words brings it down to earth, out of the realm of possibility and into actuality. This is an ennobling moment, because it promises to bring the spirit of the divine to dwell among the physical, moral and social constraints of being human. It is an act of courage on both people’s parts.
It is a joy to find ourselves reflected in his words.
For all that everyone likes to think of themselves as making their own way in life, we are all strongly influenced by the standards and behavior we see all around us, and “feed your relationship” helped us see that we regularly surround ourselves with inspiration. We follow writers and therapists who espouse peaceful relationships. We hang out with upbeat people who celebrate life. We treasure and cultivate the joy that our relationship brings us.
All of this is reminiscent of those inspirational quotes found on Facebook or your dentist’s waiting room. Every one of those feeds your life. What you let into your life is what you become.
Each partnership has to find their own way to feed their relationship with this kind of energy. One thing is for sure: finding input that succors your union and trying new ways to live and express ways to be together will keep your relationship new, alive and vital. Don’t wait till you need a counselor to repair what is not working. Stay active and feed your relationship now!