Great question, and our first answer is always that you have to be sure that your core values match, both in each other’s actions and words.
However, once that is the case, what then? Next are the critical factors of belief and intention.
In order to truly experience a peaceful relationship it is necessary to believe that it is possible. This is not as easy as it sounds. The prevailing theory that is written about and rewritten, that is promoted and practiced by many therapists and counselors, is that every one fights and argues and that conflicts are inevitable. This theory espouses that it is not good to imagine or seek a lack of estrangement and fighting, but rather that what is important is how you deal with conflict and how you balance it with positive energies.
We disagree with this approach and seek to share another way with our communications, books, blogs and videos. We speak from the direct experience of another way.
With our process, we seek for mutual solutions. We are firm in our knowledge that we are on the same side. We always want the best for each other and know that our mate feels the same way. No desire, or projection of need, or fixed concept of what we want ever comes before this primary understanding.
This is where belief comes in. In fact, our first book was done for no other purpose than to share the knowledge that we were having this experience, and that if were experiencing it, then others could surely experience it too.
To truly experience a peaceful relationship, it’s necessary to believe that it is possible #quote Click To TweetEach couple will find their own way of implementing another way, but the characteristics of peace and calm will be present as the pervading energy of the relationship. To have this kind of relationship, you must have the basic belief that it is possible. And this must be a belief that you both share, a mutual understanding and goal for your togetherness.
Once this belief is there, both of you need to communicate the intention to always make this choice in how you perceive what is happening. You will want to learn and use the many available tools to put this into practice, which we and others have shared; like speaking from the “I” and sharing how you feel without assigning blame, truly listening to your partner, and seeking for the solutions and decisions that work for both of you.
Once you share belief and intention for a juicy passionate peaceful relationship, magical occurrences will become everyday events for both of you. This sense of goodness and safety does not leave you even when you are physically separated. It is a strength that will carry you through the hardships and difficult events of life. This kind of living is contagious. We can change the world this way, spreading peace, one relationship at a time.
Part II from Phil will follow next week.
Here’s our video on Another Way: