You find the car has a flat tire just as you’re about to leave for a doctor’s appointment. You’re house-sitting, you take the trash out and the door slams behind you, locking you out. You are the honoree at an awards ceremony. You pull out your tuxedo and find that your only dress shirt has a wine stain on it
We’ve all had that sinking feeling when a metaphorical landslide blocks the route we planned to take. Cursing your fate doesn’t help. “If only” doesn’t help. There’s only one way forward: accept the new situation, plot a new route, make a plan, and act on it. You’ll have to do this eventually; caterwauling just defers the action. Accepting the current situation is part of being present. It is recognizing the current reality and responding to it.
But that’s just the practical aspect. What about your emotional response? Well, clichéd as it may be, the old saying “roll with the punches” is a good description of an antidote to fear and anxiety. Stay present with that experience as well. Let it in, take a look at it and let it pass by. Just noting what you are feeling and naming it is an act of mindful presence. When you look at what is there and don’t try to run from it, change it around in your head, or do anything with it other than to note it is there, you don’t get caught in the busyness of the mind. When you handle the “being” aspect this way, the “doing” aspect of practical responses is so much easier.
Stay present & allow thoughts to exist without holding onto them = experience what is #quote #love Click To TweetThe same principle applies in our relationships too. When we stay present and allow thoughts to exist without holding onto them, we are able to experience fully what is. This is what we want in our relationships with our partners. We want to be present with each other and support that sacred space we share together. When both partners practice presence they bring their full selves to the union.
A relationship where the partners spend time together with each being truly present showers many benefits on both. When your partner is fully aware of you in the way that only someone whose mind is free and present can do, you feel heard, acknowledged, supported, stimulated and appreciated. The sense that someone is truly available is exhilarating. When both partners are present in this way with each other, then peace abides and love is lived!
The good news is that most of the time, there are no flat tires, locked doors or missing jackets; life can be sheer pleasure 99% of the time. Don’t fritter it away by looking forward to the next crisis or rehashing the last one. Instead, enjoy the moment. If you are not doing so, look at why.
Maybe you’re reliving something in the past: a slight, a betrayal, a lost opportunity. It’s done, it happened, it’s cast in stone. Whether the wound is fresh or scabbed over, don’t pick at it; that only stops it healing. Instead, look at what it has taught you and use what you have learned.
Maybe you’re not present because what the future holds is more enticing. Bad habit to get into, because when you get there, the next event will fill your mind. It’s like always choosing the menu for the next meal while you’re eating the present one.
Maybe you’re not present because you’re anxious about some future event. The worry doesn’t help at all. Certainly there are times when you have to plan for the future, but once a plan is made, set it aside and be with what you have right now. And if that’s a flat tire, so be it.