Sex and Union in a Relationship

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Last week we wrote about mutuality, a co-creative element of our relationship. There are two other factors that form the foundation of our way of being together. One of these is the union that arises from sexual connection.

For nearly four months, we have had medical problems which have precluded sexual intercourse. It hasn’t stopped us from being sexual, though. That happens when one of us, in some way, shows a level of sexual interest. This is arousing to the other, and their arousal in turn stimulates the first person, and this feedback loop builds up and up.

Because we are each exquisitely aware of the state of the other, it becomes a shared experience of the contact between us. Even if our experiences are somewhat different, we are both experiencing the same thing; it is a sense of ecstasy, of stepping outside the cage of the self. It is not that we have changed so much as that we exist both as ourselves and the shared self simultaneously.

We have confirmed that this is a shared experience by speaking about it afterwards. When one of us speaks of it, the other agrees: “Uh huh,” “Right,” “Yeah.” This happens again and again, every time. It is so consistent that it cannot be dismissed as coincidence or fuzziness of language. It is not a sexual state; it is better described as a higher level that is reached by using sex as a stepladder. The simplest explanation and the best description is that it is an experience of union.

We exist both as ourselves and the shared self simultaneously #relationships #quote #sex #love Share on XWe understand that this may not be a path for everyone. You may be single, in a non-sexual relationship, or sex may not be an important aspect for you. In any case, the experience of connecting, of stepping outside yourself, is still available. Haven’t you had one of those long conversations with a friend where you end up so understanding, so in accord, that it seems like some magic event occurred? Or you go together on a hike or to a concert or a meal where the experience is so manifestly shared that 20 years later, you still know you had that connection? What are these events if not the touching, the union of souls?

Just as our mutuality provides a connective tissue that permeates all of our everyday interactions, this deep union is a known factor, never questioned, always present. It has grown and been nourished through our years together, yet in many ways it is unchanging.

It is important to develop and support this aspect of your relationship. Spend time nurturing your union so that you have a solid bedrock to interact with your everyday challenges.

A third aspect of our togetherness comes from matching core values, and we will write about that next week.

Photo credit: Phil Mayes

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