Successful Relationships Reading Corner
This week we wrote that in a relationship, sometimes just being there is everything. There are many aspects to being there for someone; here are some posts we’ve written about that.
You Can’t Love If You’re Not There: Why Presence Matters “So when you are with someone, by all means, share with them what happened and plans for the future, but also take in the sense of being with another person, because this is a deep need that we all have. To do that, look or listen or feel for the stillness. Which doesn’t mean not allowing yourself to move; it means not doing anything, it means just hanging out. Being present like this with someone involves two things. One is paying attention to their words, their pauses, their tone, their body language, and not being distracted by what else is going on in the environment or what you have coming up later in the day. The other is paying attention to what is happening within yourself – your breath, tension, feelings, and thoughts. Just observe them rather than holding on to them. It’s about doing nothing, of just being on a fairground ride, letting it take you on its journey.”
Why You Need a Balance of Being and Doing in Your Relationships “A relationship also consists of being and doing. The doing is obvious, from the walks on the beach that decorate online profiles to taking the kids to the dentist. But a relationship is more that that; it is a mystical connection between people, and when you set aside all that activity, the being is revealed, the sense of yourself and the other person. Just as the Artist Date grounds and revivifies us, so does paying attention to the experience of being with another person; it feeds our need for connection, it gives a sense of being that is greater than our island self. There is a balance between being and doing – you probably don’t want to be that person who never gets anything done. You need balance in your own life, and you need a similar balance of being and doing to make a thriving relationship.”
Why the Essence of Connection in Your Relationships is Being Present “This kind of presence has many aspects to it. It involves awareness, intention, purpose, willingness, peace, stillness, availability, openness. It is associated with not having a pre-planned agenda. We may have an outer description of what we are doing; writing, walking, eating, traveling, but once we are together it is an adventure into the unknown. Feeling connected to another is dependent on them being there, not necessarily physically, but with their core self. Physical presence and contact adds much to the sense of connection, but Covid has taught us that we can truly have deep relationships at a distance if we practice presence. I was in a Zoom class with a mid-size group this weekend and felt deeply connected to them all. It gave me quite a jolt to notice how much we felt together even though people were attending from around the world. Someone pointed this out and everyone agreed that after meeting for several weeks in both the larger group and in smaller breakout sessions, there was a noticeable sense of being connected – of being present with each other.”