Successful Relationships Reading Corner
This week, we wrote about how to make positive choices in your relationships. Everything we write about is right next door to everything else, and those choices lead to peace, so here are some articles on peace in relationships.
Why Peaceful Relationships Start With This One Radical Choice “I was reading our post from last week, and came across this statement, which I find very in sync with what Phil and I were discussing last night as we formulated the topic for this post: “I think we have always tended to respond to each other with a lack of tension and without any sense of threat.” This describes a state of us being together without the need for defenses. The more Phil and I discussed this way of being together, the clearer we became that this is a core behavior of a peaceful relationship. Peaceful relationships are by their nature non-combative and are safe spaces where you know that you will not be attacked, sniped at, or any variant thereof. At first, I was going to say this is because we know for certain that we are always on the same side. This is most certainly true, and yet that does not fully describe this way of being. This is a state where a choice has been made both individually and for the relationship. It is a choice that goes to the very center of each of the individuals: a choice for living in peace. It is not a compromise of swallowing feelings and thoughts. It is not a mental activity alone. It is an alignment with a quiet inner connection to who you are, coupled with the ability to share that with another. This is a way of being in peace that you have found within yourself, and from that place, you are able to recognize the same place in the other person. Once you have found it within yourself, bring it into how you are in that relationship. When you do this consistently, it allows it to come forth in the other person as well.”
Why Is Your Truth So Important In Relationships? “I have found myself in several conversations recently about truth, truth-telling, and the meaning and importance of truth. Phil had an experience on Reddit in terms of relationships and speaking truth, and these exchanges led us to today’s post. For me, truth is a living, moving, growing experience, and it applies to what is going on inside me. Truth is not fact. Truth is dynamic, personal, and meaningful. My truth speaks of my personal values. When something occurs that is of meaning within a relationship with a friend, relative, or partner, it is important to me to stop and go inside to reflect on what I am feeling or thinking. The pause between my reaction and my response is a rich period for me to explore what my truth is in the given situation.”
How to Apply Your Intention Toward Peace in All Your Relationships “The road toward peace within all your relationships begins with your intention to have this experience. It comes from a strong attraction to it that starts to replace old habits of interaction. Often, we develop this intent without knowing how to bring it to life in our connections, or what that intention will be like when we apply it. To move toward such an intent, begin wherever you are in understanding what it might look like in practice. First, look inside at your images of that kind of peace. What do you see? We all associate this with different ideas and actual experiences. Some see it as an absence of elements: discord, division, unease, anger, being triggered, misunderstanding, separation, distance. Some of us see it as the presence of a deep sense of calm, balance, naturalness, contentedness, presence, trust, safety, ease. Whatever comes up for you, reach into it, picture it, become familiar with how it feels to you; taste it, smell it, bring it to life within yourself. When you select this as your intent, you make a choice. This is what you want; this is the place where you want your relationships to dwell. That choice becomes a core value, residing centrally within you. Such an intention toward peace is powerful and grows ever stronger as you feed it. You feed it with that choice, and turn to it whenever there is a disturbance in the force. When you are confronted with interactions that don’t fit with that sense of peace, or that trigger reactions within you that disturb it, Pause, with a capital P. You are seeking to respond to the choice you have made, not react to old stuff or fears. You are going to bring your intention into action by responding from that place of peace that you have chosen. This does not apply to situations that are an actual threat or require a different kind of response. In either case, you want to take enough time to assess and make a choice of how to respond, not be driven by instincts or old stories. It is best to practice this within your deep and developed relationships first.”