We’re away celebrating our wedding anniversary at a cabin in the woods, so here’s a popular blog from the past.
Drama, an all too familiar word in many relationships.
“I can’t keep on with this relationship – just too much drama!”
“We really love each other, but there is always so much drama. I wish we could find another way.”
“We have a lot of drama in our relationship, but it shows we both are really involved.”
“We know we care because we each have such strong feelings about everything.”
Yes, there are many ways to react to drama within your relationship, but whatever it means to you, it is a common experience for many. When people talk about drama in their interactions, they are usually referring to heated arguments, anger, recriminations and varying events that cause a feeling of distance between the partners.
Phil tells a story of an argument with a girlfriend where she got so furious she stormed off and threw the main breakers. “Then there was an argument with a different girlfriend by some rocks on the beach. What I don’t remember is what those arguments were about.” That’s because arguments are far more about emotions than practicalities. For instance, it’s not about which restaurant to go to, it’s about being told what to do.
Why do these type of interactions persist, and is there another way to have a juicy relationship without the rush of drama?
Let’s start with why drama persists and is so prevalent in many relationships. Some therapists say that it’s about revisiting childhood situations because the comfort of their familiarity outweighs the unpleasantness of the emotions. People have seen this kind of behavior modeled in their early experiences with family or other relationships, and have not found another way to behave. Often in this type of situation, people come to associate the strong negative energy of drama encounters with love, or engagement, as they have learned that strong emotions, even negative ones, represent a form of caring.
Another common reason is that the partners have learned to enjoy the chemical rushes that accompany this type of relating. And when both parties feel that way it becomes the behavior that feels good and perhaps makes them feel close to each other, even if what occurs is separating and disharmonious.
Unwanted drama plagues many relationships. This doesn’t have to be; there is another way #quote Click To TweetSome couples treat such drama as progress; every argument is a step towards greater understanding and acceptance. Some couples make no progress at all; they fight the same battles again and again. Some couples are mismatched; one needs drama and the other doesn’t. Whatever the breakdown, it still comes down to disharmony and discord being part of the regular exchanges of the relationship. By becoming aware of such repetition we can move past it. Whether or not the origins are in childhood, the key is to see such responses as a choice to the events of life.
There is much written about how to handle conflict positively, but very little about how to relate differently in a healthy way.
For us, there is a wonderful, peaceful and exhilarating path that does not involve conflict and does not cause estrangement and separation. We want to state here unequivocally: there is another way!
Open your minds and your hearts to another way. We are living proof that it is possible to love without hardship and difficulty. You do not always have to struggle and work in order for your relationship to be full of calm, ease, and at the same time, juicy passion.
We are not suggesting that both of you will always see things the same way. Difference and even disagreement are not the same as conflict, argument or estrangement. No couple agrees on everything, but there are ways to resolve issues that, improbable as it may sound, reach a solution that works for both people without requiring any compromise. Such solutions do, however, require that the core values of the two people are aligned….
Another important component to this experience is that once you believe it is possible, and know how to practice this process, you will still need to apply intention. It is your intention toward peaceful relating that will open the door for you and allow you to walk down this path. You can understand the practice, but it takes clear intention to succeed.
We believe that this is something that many couples can achieve, and we are convinced that it can be applied to all kinds of relationships as well. In fact, we are certain that we can change the world in this manner, spreading peace one relationship at a time. How Two: Have a Successful Relationship