How Honesty Leads to Trust in Your Relationships

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PHIL: We humans are social animals who need each other to thrive. We need other people to smelt steel, grow wheat, bake pizza, print books, build pianos, and make toaster ovens. People have to work together and agree on how things are done.

Along with that, we have to work out how to live together. For society to run smoothly, we copy each other in many ways: we all drive on the same side of the road, stop at red lights, exchange pieces of paper for meals, and dress similarly.

At the same time, we’re individuals with our own ideas of how things should be, yet to live together, we need to moderate ourselves to fit in with other people. We have to hide a part of ourselves; we are not fully seen.

Close relationships are the forum where we can change this and show ourselves completely. How does that transition occur?

It starts with taking a small risk by being honest and expressing something that might be ridiculed or laughed at, used to shame you, or used against you. When your listener does not take advantage of this, but instead hears and sees you, it increases your trust in how open you can be with them, and you can progressively share more of yourself.

Trust is measured in actions more than words, and your intuition knows better than your head. Be sure to check that this is a true intuition rather than your inner fears from past experiences.

At some point, you can make the leap to total trust and total openness. This is a place where you can find yourself, you can dig down through the cultural assumptions. It is a place of great peace and calm. You can relax because this is a relationship of cooperation, not competition. You are both on the same side. You are in tune with the deep sense that we need each other to survive and thrive.One of the steps to a peaceful relationship is honesty #peace #relationships #quote Share on X

MAUDE: A relationship that is grounded in the experience of peace is a powerful support for your growth and well-being. It is so far removed from the fears and blockages that interfere with your happiness and ability to actualize your potential that it seems almost magical. It feels both extraordinary and absolutely natural. It seems to require no effort to relate in that space, to feel the sense of the connection; to feel the other person and know where to meet them. There is a strong pull in that direction. Peace is very attractive, and peaceful connections are fulfilling and alluring.

How do we find our way to these kinds of exchanges? It is a process of development and recognition. Once you have had such a relationship, and know what it is to connect in this manner, it becomes a reality to you rather than a concept, and you can find your way there more easily each time.

One of the first keys to moving in this direction is honesty. When you share yourself honestly with another, it moves you forward on the road toward peace. When you speak and listen with openness and honesty in your heart you are setting aside fears and defenses.

Openness is an ongoing process. You can share a bit and when you are accepted and respected, when you feel seen and heard, you dare to open a bit more. You take a little risk and then another. There is always a risk of getting hurt when opening yourself and being vulnerable. Each time you allow someone further into who you are, you allow that possibility. You take the chance that they may abuse your vulnerability. They may respond with an attempt at power and dominance. They may trample on your delicate exposed underbelly.

You should move at your own pace, within your feelings of safety. For some of you this is a rapid progression, and for others it must move slowly, as you gain enough assurance to proceed. Great rewards are waiting on the side of building relationships of honesty and full openness. Peace, a living visceral experience of peace awaits you.

When you can make a leap into total trust, a transformation takes place. There you will find a relationship permeated by peace. One where you are secure in the connection, the caring, and the love. This is a true familial relationship, a kinship in peace, where the connection is known and easily found, even when time or space intervenes.

Photo credit: Maude Mayes
Photo note: Couple in the park

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