Individuality Within Relationship
One of the keys to our peaceful and joyful way of relating is that we accept and respect each other as two separate absolutely unique individuals. We do not confuse our identities, which is a common occurrence in many relationships. As we practice being in the present with each other, we are more apt to experience what is actually there, rather than something we have created in our minds. As a result, I experience you as you are, and not as I would have you be. I am less likely to think you are an extension of me, and that therefore you should do what I do, or act as I would act. Since I’m not confusing your identity with mine, I can relax and listen to you when you bring up something new or different that I would not say or think of in the same way. I am less likely to be judging you, your actions or statements. When we can relax in our relationships, and realize the other person is separate from us, strangely enough, it often leads the way to union and merging. We seem to keep our separate identities, while merging into something else as well. I find that more and more, we celebrate our differences, learning and growing from them, rather than feeling challenged or attacked by the uniqueness of the other.
A precursor to this experience you have a consonance of meanings and values. In the beginning and building stages of a relationship, you take this as a leap of faith to some degree. As you experience the other person in the world, you come to see how they act and who they are. To practice our form of passionate peace within a relationship, this basic level must first be established firmly.
Another key component is practicing presence. It is important to empty your mind of preconceptions and expectations. If you can be with your partner without censoring or controlling the exchange or the outcome, then you can truly experience what happens when two come together, and can be as one. You will experience the magic of harmony, while at the same time benefiting from the mutual creations that become possible.
It is a wonderful feeling to be accepted for who you are and not have to feel that you are constantly guarding or protecting your being. When your partner shows, by their words and deeds, that they recognize who you are and celebrate who you are, it creates a deep sense of abiding peace, which is strongly empowering. And when you do the same for your partner, the combined effect is transformational!