It’s Important to Make Room for Relationships Even When Life is Busy
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MAUDE: Phil and I recently wrote about a new game we are playing, with some cards that Phil has doctored for the game. Certain cards represent morning or afternoon, some mean Phil or Maude chooses, and some mean take a walk or take a drive. We play with them once a week, and choose what we will do and when.
We are using this game to bring more playful moments outside the house into our time together. We will probably do this with the cards until we set a regular pattern that comes naturally to us, and then just continue doing these little adventures together without the deck.
A friend of mine was recently telling me about two sleepover visits she had from friends who came to her town and spent time with her. She shared how she had a ton of things that needed to be taken care of, but that she enjoyed the socializing so much that it was a great break from the times of doing all that needed to be done.
I went to lunch with a friend the other day who is struggling with finding new housing and dealing with some health issues at the same time. She said she just needed to spend a few hours with a friend at a nice restaurant, talking and visiting. We did nothing that would count as important, but it was so meaningful for both of us!
It is important to share different kinds of times in our various relationships. There are times for doing, and times just meant for being alive. It is so meaningful to share quality time, where nothing has to be accomplished, and there is no set purpose other than being together.
A different kind of presence fills the space between people when they are just hanging out with each other. There is a spontaneity and joy that comes from being with someone, with the full attention that is freed up when nothing in particular has to be done. The doing becomes more than the being at that point.
Actually finding a balance of work and play has become a challenge. Everyone is so busy and responsible for so many different little things just to manage life in today’s world. People often rush around from one thing to another, with little time to relate to each other.
Often, it is a challenge to find the time, as if time could get lost. Yet, it feels that it does so frequently in the busy lives so many lead. Playing has become an act that we have to give ourselves permission to do. And yet, relating is the priority that brings true value.
Our relationships can be a place of solace, comfort, and renewal for us. Unstructured time, where we sink into the freedom of sharing our inner world, where we laugh and tell tales, is the prescription for peace in this strange place the world finds itself in today.
PHIL: Maude talked about prioritizing time for your relationships and how that involves just hanging out with someone, rather than doing an activity together. The two shade into each other; perhaps the activity is central, and you just happen to meet up with someone there, or the activity and the company fit together, like going for a walk, or you just connect with someone for the sheer pleasure of human contact, and any activity, like a meal, is simply a way to make that happen.
This opened up a discussion about friendships, and I found myself a little sensitive about the subject because Maude and other people seem to have such a wide circle of friends and connect so deeply and effortlessly. I think that’s partly a gender thing; I have always been jealous of that female ability. Two women in a checkout line will strike up a conversation, and by the time they reach the register, will know how many kids they have, where they eat, and their husband’s shift hours.
My first thought was how limited my social circle is, but on reflection, that’s not the case; I just don’t meet with them that often. I’m an introvert and couldn’t handle the frequency of contact that Maude has. It’s not that I want to be like her, and thinking about it, I’m not uncomfortable with my position.
And yet, I do try to stretch myself. You’ve probably seen many articles saying how social connections are so good for our health and longevity. In my earlier writings, here and elsewhere, I have explored how humans are social animals and cannot survive alone, so the need for connection is a very deep instinct. I have been paying attention to that and seeing friendships in that light. When I get together with someone else, we have a shared experience, whether that is the conversation, the coffee, or the view. And that broadens identity just a bit and makes me a member of The People Who Like Joe’s Coffee House. Identities like that are what make us all feel connected, and that is a feeling that is badly needed in today’s world.
Photo credit: Sonia Rose Simona
Photo note: Friends taking time out to play
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