Successful Relationships Reading Corner
This week, we wrote that it’s important to spend time in our relationships just enjoying being together, even when life is busy. Here are some of our writings on the importance of playing and hanging out together.
How Balancing Work, Play and Hanging Out Benefits Your Relationship “It is frequently stated that having good relationships takes work. We have spoken and written about how it takes presence, intention, belief, acceptance and a desire to find solutions that create mutuality. A critical aspect which is less frequently mentioned is play: playing together, being playful, creating space for laughter and joy. I have been talking a lot lately about an element I find missing in so many of my intimate relationships – hanging out. Some of this lack has come from the pandemic, and a pattern many of us have gotten into of connecting through online meetings or at a distance, all of which have to be scheduled to occur. We seem to have lost the art of just being with each other, the art of being together without a formalized structure. People gather to meet and eat, meet and accomplish, meet and discuss, meet and produce. Meeting just to be together seems to have fallen off the list of things seen as having value. The culture is one of being busy, ever busier in a world demanding much involvement in keeping everything functioning and moving forward.”
How Hanging Out Enhances and Strengthens Your Relationships “Phil and I have, since the very early days of our relationship, set aside a time every evening to be alone with each other. We do many different activities during this time: crossword puzzles, talking, reading aloud to each other, watching movies and series and all manner of other things we come up with. It’s a retreat from the world that we have come to call our sacred space. However stressful life, work and politics have been, we are able to put those aside. But the activities are not the main thing going on. That is not the purpose. It is about giving our full attention to each other and the connection between us. It doesn’t really matter what we are involved in, as what we are really doing is reveling in being with each other, in sharing who we are and taking pleasure in the deep sense of connection we have. The feelings that arise from this experience are calming, nurturing and give us sustenance for our daily living. If work is the things that we all have to do (whether we enjoy that or not), play is the opposite: where we let go of our obligations, act on our desires, and cavort with the world. Play has been proven to be an important factor in well-being: by relieving stress, supercharging learning and strengthening our connections to each other and the world. Playing together is a powerful tool for creating peaceful relationships.”
Why is Time for Play Important in Your Relationship? “Recently, Phil had been beating himself up for not accomplishing tasks; of wasting his time reading, relaxing, taking time out. True, it is important to watch for procrastination and all its little tricks that take us away from our important goals and accomplishments. Yet we also need to show respect for our bodies and our minds. They need time off, time out, or time in other pursuits. Individually and in our relationships we all need play time where we are not working on anything; not on progressing, not on taking care of business, and definitely not on achieving anything. We recently had a marvelous and rejuvenating few days. These were days where we stepped outside our usual patterns and day to day projects and were just together having an intimate and lovely time. We didn’t do anything big and important. We were very present with each other talking, laughing, sharing. We are not referring to date nights, trips, or other planned escapades together. Here we are referring to spontaneous, unplanned, unscheduled, open free time.”