Successful Relationships Reading Corner
This week, we wrote about talking to each other, and how important that is. Here are some earlier writings of ours on talking and listening to one another.
Don’t interrupt! I’m talking! How to Keep the Peace in Relationships “We went out to breakfast to come up with a blog topic, the first time we’ve done that in a long time. We noticed that we were interrupting each other, something that has happened many times before: “Wait, I haven’t finished saying what I want to say,” and so we examined it further. What is peculiar is that we have a method for making decisions and resolving differences that involves listening to the other person without judgement, without preparing a response, and instead listening intently to what is being conveyed. This is something we use often and it has worked well for us.”
You Need to Balance Talking and Listening ” We pay less attention to our partner when we are the speaker. Active listening must have both sides – speaker and listener – aware of each other at all times. Sense if your partner has something to say that fits in, and interrupt your speaking or cut short the length to allow their thoughts to enter. Both parties have to find a balance between expression and reception. Both parties have equal roles in maintaining this balance.”
Why It’s Important To See The Other’s Viewpoint In Your Relationship “People get into quarrels over all sorts of things, big and small. They get upset because they feel they’re not going to get what they want; anything from a clean kitchen to another child. They might feel hurt, attacked, insulted, ignored – whatever, some negative feelings are there, yet more often than not, they are unacknowledged and disguised by finding reasons that match. And of course, this is how your partner is seeing you. You can break this impasse by changing the focus from how this affects you to the reasons for why they are taking their position. Ask not just why they think that way, but what they are feeling about it. Bear in mind that they probably don’t know what the feelings behind their position are. In other words, show empathy.”