Successful Relationships Reading Corner
This week, we discussed how to respect each other’s separateness while being together. Here are some of our previous posts on this topic.
Why Respect is Important for a Happy, Loving Relationship “Respect is almost an old fashioned word. We don’t speak of it often. And yet, it is one of the cornerstones of happy loving relationships. It is what we offer when we accept another’s individuality. Not just accepting, but honoring their uniqueness. We show respect by the way we treat each other: by our tone of voice, our willingness to listen, to accept the inevitable differences of personality and behavior. We show it by our love and our kindness; by the empathy we feel and the warmth, safety and comfort we give. Respect starts with empathy – from being able to put ourselves in another’s shoes. The more we can identify with them, the more this can happen. The further away from our family, the less we identify with people, and the further away from our own species, the less we identify. Polar bears beat snail darters, and we identify with plants and rocks even less.”
Why Respect is the Small Word With Big Importance in Relationships “A less frequently talked about, but equally important aspect of peaceful harmonious relationships, is respect. Respect need not be based on accomplishments or be earned. It is something we offer arising from an awareness of our kindred nature. We offer respect for each other’s uniqueness, individuality, and commonality. It is easiest to practice respect within our deepest and most intimate relationships. This is the arena in which we learn how to do this; where we can feel assured of sharing the same values, and of feeling loved and safe, making respect easier to offer. As we learn to be respectful, and to come from that premise, we will slowly be able to spread this aspect of peaceful relating to those with whom we do not share meaning and value. Even when this is the case, we share all the most basic characteristics, even with those who have not yet learned to act in a respectful manner.”
Do You Show Love and Respect in Your Relationship? “We were at one of our groups discussing relationships with a woman who is in a happy marriage of 53 years. She shared her thoughts that it is the seemingly simple things that make a marriage work. She felt that often relationship success can come down to partners speaking with respect, love and kindness in their tone of voice, and that this creates an environment for loving interactions. She asked if we have noticed how some people speak with each other, and how disrespectful, even denigrating their approach to their partner is. It was her contention that this behavior leads to many of the problems people have. We have to agree. We have seen it too frequently. One partner will be dismissive and often critical in words and tone of voice. This seems to create a defensive posture in the partner being treated this way, and often sets up an argumentative tone in the relationship, or at the very least a passive-aggressive response in the partner. How does this happen with partners who love each other and have chosen to be together? And even more important, how can this be changed?”