Successful Relationships Reading Corner
This week, we asked if you are emotionally present in your relationships or just not there? Here are some of our previous posts that address this issue.
Why the Essence of Connection in Your Relationships is Being Present “One of the elements that permeates our relationship is that when we are together we are present with each other. We are not only there in the physical sense, but also mentally and emotionally. I’ve been thinking about how important it is to practice presence in all relating, and how this gets lost so very often in the way people interact with each other. This kind of presence has many aspects to it. It involves awareness, intention, purpose, willingness, peace, stillness, availability, openness. It is associated with not having a pre-planned agenda. We may have an outer description of what we are doing; writing, walking, eating, traveling, but once we are together it is an adventure into the unknown.”
Why is Being Present in Your Relationships So Powerful? “Anchor your relationships in reality by experiencing them in the present, in the moment-to-moment interactions. When you focus on that, rather than what happened or what might happen, look at what is happening, let it in, give voice to it. This is especially useful when struggling. Stay in your body by saying “I,” and stay in the present by speaking in the present tense. Try not saying “you” at all. “I feel ignored” is so much stronger than “I felt that you ignored me” and gives you the best chance of finding the roots of the discord. If a relationship is not happening in the present, then it is only the memory of a relationship or the projection of one. Through sharing experiences, thoughts and feelings, relationships establish a sense of connection. This sense can exist in memory: “We went to Scotts Valley for our anniversary.” “We have been friends for a lifetime.” It can exist in projections of the future: “We are going to the Cliff House in November.” “We are hosting a zoom meeting on Friday.” “We are giving a pilot course early next year.” If the relationship has only a remembered past or a projected future then the sense of it exists only in your thoughts. It can be important, it can be sweet or painful or both. However, it is not something that exists outside of your mind.”
How Being Creative Helps You Be More Present in Your Relationships “When you love someone, the best thing you can offer is your presence. How can you love if you are not there? Thich Nhat Hanh
All relationships are more fruitful and more harmonious when you can feel the presence of the other as a palpable reality. Most of you know and recognize this, and yet it is too easy to fall into repeated patterns of interacting, where your consciousness is elsewhere and you are on autopilot. We have found that being creative and altering what or how we do things shakes up the patterns and brings us right into the present moment. This is because people pay attention to novelty, and paying attention is being in the present. It happens even when the change is a small one. Being fully present and available creates a heightened awareness of our connection and an even stronger appreciation of each other.”