Why Being Positive is so Powerful in Relationships and in the World

Podcast: Download

Subscribe: Apple Podcasts | RSS

MAUDE: Phil and I recently got back from two weeks driving through the parks and scenic roads of southern Utah. It was a transformational journey in several ways. One occurred when we stopped at a roadside attraction, or at least that’s how we saw it at first.

The place was called Carl’s Critter Garden and appeared to be a sculpture park formed out of pieces of wood, old metal scrap, and assorted objects. On closer inspection, a wonderland of expressions of love, peace, and goodness was discovered. We wandered the place for hours, totally enthralled and touched deeply. As we were leaving, we encountered the man who lived there helping Carl upkeep all the present installations, as well as adding to them. Phil told him how much we were affected by the place, and that we do a weekly column on peaceful relationships. He shared that some days, he is out there working for many hours and finds himself asking, “Why am I doing this?” Then he meets people like us who acknowledge how much the experience meant to them, and he remembers why!

This struck us both and reminded us how critical it is to hear each other’s voices proclaiming the importance of spreading peace and the reality of peace; of how much we all need this and how this is the way to strengthen and promote this very reality. Shout it out. Sing it as loud as you can, wherever you are, in whatever way you can.

The other transformation came through the landscape itself. The awe, peace, and calm of those spectacular views of geologic evolution and what it created were an important reminder. Through massive periods of dark and light, these magnificent vistas were testaments to the beauty that is created through those periods of geological drama. Seeing this brought me to a new view of what I want to do to contribute and to influence these times we are living in. I hope you will feel called to join me.

I sense that a massive effort of the majority is called for to act and live and breathe out the reality that love is the strongest force and that we are not divided, but rather that we are related in a familial way. We can and must act, each in our sphere and in our own unique way, to contribute to this loud, certain declaration of light as supreme, of hope, and the way of kindness.

We need to listen and speak of this way of being, acknowledging and encouraging each other. Lasting change takes time, a long time. With the short lives that we are granted comes the wish to see things sped up so we can be present to experience them. Yet, history shows clearly that when change is too rapid, it results in a backward swing.

I speak to the time that is the moment you are in: the present. In that moment of presence, you can shine forth from within, filling all space with the certainty of goodness prevailing. You can carry this into your relationships and manifest it as only you uniquely can. We can resonate with communities, like the one here on Substack. That resonance has great power. Do not be fooled or daunted by the small, loud voices of division and fear. Evolution is progressive, just not in a straight line.

I am not suggesting that you ignore the darkness that is unfolding, or that you become blind to our family on the planet that is suffering so greatly in so many places. Perhaps these are the corners where you can bring that very hope and action that your unique abilities are suited to. What I am asking is that you always raise your voice to affirm that the path is one of love and gentleness, peace and kindness, and that we are on that path.

I commit to bringing my voice and my actions to this endeavor.

PHIL: Maude is saying that what is needed now in these times is an act of having peaceful and loving relationships and interactions, and being aware that we’re all in this together.

This is a wonderful way to think, because if that is how you want the world to be, then you have to act like that; you can’t wait around until the world magically becomes beautiful and then join in.

You have to assume that other people are decent and caring and of good will. Some people never are, and everybody fails to act in that way at times, but don’t respond in kind. Start by being friendly and positive, and continue that way; don’t let them drag you down to their level of interaction. Whether they are unprincipled or just having a bad day, they may be softened by your approach.

This is a challenge when there seem to be so many points on which people differ, but I think that the way to do that is by looking at the other person and asking what do we have in common? We both want to live; we both want to eat; we both want a safe environment. It’s easy to see differences and harder to see the complement, similarity. Conflict stems from the inability to handle differences, and peace comes from acceptance of them.

A story just out as I write this is that the man who broke into a church and killed four people let one woman live. Her story is extraordinary. She locked eyes with him and forgave him. Here is the letter she wrote to her family:

I know many of you may not want to hear this… When I gave a description of Thomas to the FBI, I told them he had blue eyes. Blue eyes brightened by tears, red and teary. All I saw as I searched my memory was blue eyes. When he came over to me I felt very calm, peaceful even as I kneeled next to my dad, my hands still on dad. It felt like a long time I stared into his eyes while answering his question. The only way I can describe it is I saw into his soul. I never took my eyes off his eyes, something happened, I saw pain, he felt lost. I deeply felt it with every fiber of my being. I forgave him, I forgave him right there, not in words, but with my heart. Later I kept asking to see a picture of him. Some thing about his blue eyes caused me confusion. I questioned if I was remembering what I saw correctly? When I finally saw his picture, his eyes were not blue, I couldn’t understand. I know what I saw, it was seared in my brain. In the middle of the night while texting my sister I realized it was my eyes I saw. I saw into his soul and he saw into mine. He let me live. I am sharing this now because I believe it is just one of many reasons I was there. Just one of the reasons. I needed to share this for Papa for Dad, for anyone who can set aside hate. Maybe that time won’t be now for you, but maybe one day. What we say and do matters. Fear breeds anger, anger breeds hate, hate breeds suffering. If we can stop the hate we can stop the suffering. But stopping the hate takes all of us. I promise you if for one month you can stop using crude language, if you stop taking the Lords name in vain you will feel a change. We can start there. If you stop letting anger in, hate can’t spread. We can stop it! We can stop the anger and the hate and stop suffering somewhere for someone.

If she can do this, we all can. When you come from love, not fear, you spread that in the world.

Photo credit: Maude Mayes
Photo note: Composite of Carl’s Critter Garden

Read what else we have written on this topic.

Get our free weekly newsletter about how to have a harmonious relationship.

Tell your friends!