We wrote last week about core values and how they are fundamental to a successful relationship. This week, we want to talk about how to handle the small things in life, like which way the toilet roll goes or the best route to drive to the store. I’m sure you could collect a whole nursery bed of such seedlings. A little assiduous watering at the right moments, and you have enough chili peppers to last the whole season.
Some people like to spice up their relationship with three fights a day; if that’s to your taste, then more power to you. But if not, there is a very simple way to avoid these conflicts: don’t start them. And to do that, you have to allow your partner full freedom to do whatever they want, to be how they want to be, to dress however they’re like. Ah, was that a sharp intake of breath I heard? A muted shock at the possibilities of chaos that might ensue? Relax. When your core values are in agreement, nothing that can truly hurt you will take place.
Some people seem compelled to try to tell other people what to do and how they should act. It’s like a nervous habit of chewing fingernails or twirling hair. Make every effort to break this habit because when both you and your partner do, an amazing change happens that will transform your relationship. Each of you then has complete freedom to truly be yourself. When you act in this way, two things become true: you can share yourself completely with your partner, and there is no temptation to leave the relationship (whether for an evening or forever) to allow the unacceptable parts of yourself to live.
This is truly a radical experience. We cannot emphasize enough that this creates a relationship of a very different quality which, once discovered, will thrive and grow on the freedom that is mutually given.