Successful Relationships Reading Corner
This week, we wrote about how attentive listening strengthens your relationships. Here are some other articles of ours illustrating various aspects of listening.
You Need to Balance Talking and Listening “We have written about the importance of active listening – of paying attention to what the other person is saying, rather than working on preparing a response. As we have written, “Actually listen, rather than waiting for the moment when you can talk again about why your opinion is the correct one.” Although this is ideal, the reality is that responses and ideas come up as the other person is speaking and it can be a considerable effort to both hold on to those thoughts and continue to follow the speaker. We all know what that feels like, and how much less we hear of what our partner says when we are holding on to our thoughts and waiting our turn to speak them. And yet, how can we avoid this situation? When we are actively seeking solutions, decisions or plans, we are excited. We get ideas from listening that are compelling and important to say. How do we keep the exchange going, and not step out of the important process of hearing our partner, while still being able to share the ideas as they come forth?”
How Listening Without Giving Advice is Good For Your Relationships “Much of this has to do with being present and offering your full attention and acceptance to the other person. When someone is sharing with you, it is a great gift to offer them your presence. We all crave that sense of connection and recognition. When you are truly with another, fully present, you are verifying their importance to you and letting them know you see them and hear them. In order to offer this form of presence, you must leave yourself out of the interaction in every way except as the listener. Listening that deepens connection and communication occurs when you are only bearing witness, you are there to hear what the other is sharing. We all tend (too often) to insert ourselves: our thoughts, our opinions, our suggestions, our solutions.”
Why Acknowledgment is Like a Magic Charm for Relationships “I have relationships that take place over distances via phone, email, text, and social media. These all afford opportunities to acknowledge a person and non-verbally say “I see you.” In my deep connection to a friend that occurs mostly on the phone, there is this constant flow as well, where we speak and listen to each other in the same way that lets each of us know that we are known for who we are and are being heard and appreciated. Feeling seen and heard for who you are is a balm to the soul. It brings joy and a quiet sense of peace. Relationships that incorporate this spread that peace outward, and tend to build an awareness of how to do this with other people, even in brief encounters. As we pass by in the world, we can do this for each other. There is nothing that breaks down the separation of ‘us’ and ‘them’ more than being acknowledged and knowing you are seen by someone.”