Successful Relationships Reading Corner
This week, we wrote about a different approach to differences in relationships. We’ve touched on this before in various posts of ours. Here are a few of them.
A New Way to Look at Differences in Relationships “With joy, right? With fascination at the very least. It’s an exciting thing to embrace otherness. If you move towards embracing this, you know, with all these elements of exploration and attraction and interest and curiosity, then you become expanded by it. That’s why it feels so peaceful. It pulls you into that place where you kind of settle in, like this is the right place to be, sitting in that place with a person. This is an entirely different way of relating. It’s an amazing thing because what you discover is the real connection between people.”
How to Embrace Differences, Not Trip Over Them “There are some important areas that lay the groundwork for these kinds of connections. This has to come from your own inner exploration by practicing peace inside yourself and learning how to deal with your own inner differences between what you value and how you feel. This is, of course, an ongoing process. The more you achieve peace in the face of your inner anxieties and stressful situations, the more attracted to it you will be. When you reach out for peaceful relationships, look for shared core values: those meanings and values upon which you base your life and your interactions. You need to know and become familiar with what your core values are if you are to use these to create and support peaceful relationships. Take some time and reflect upon what those are for you, and look for them to be present in those with whom you build your deepest relationships.”
How Can You Delight in the Differences in Your Relationships? “Coming to terms with the fact that people are different from you can be a challenge. It might be your partner; it might be anyone. It’s fine when you agree, but when you don’t, how can anybody be so stupid? Obviously your way is right: you know the correct route, can stack the dishwasher properly, know how to fix the homeless problem, and know the best way to handle a tantrum in a supermarket. You’re right and everybody else is…less right. But everyone acts in the world as they choose, and maybe there is more than one approach to doing something, and maybe you never saw it before, and maybe they just like doing it that way. It might seem that some differences are irreconcilable. That is seldom the case; there are ways to find common ground. Most issues arise from how these differences are handled. By looking closely at your own response rather than just reacting, you can evaluate how real and important these differences are to you. Do they touch on your core values, or are they a matter of habit or preference? Is there another way to satisfy the same thing without emphasizing the difference, and instead finding a place that works for both of you? Are you truly listening to the other and hearing what they express? And if so, is it a real difference or just a different way of expressing the same thing by another individual? If it is really different, can you incorporate it or change it and still stay true to your values?”