Successful Relationships Reading Corner
This week, we wrote about why an inner sense of safety is vital to peaceful relationships. Here are some previous posts that speak to different aspects of this question.
Why Respect is Important for Creating Peaceful Relationships “There is a much more vital aspect to feeling and behaving with respect in our intimate and deepest relations, and in developing this behavior in a way that we can spread out into the larger community. It is one that is much needed now to deal with the times we find ourselves in. It is also a basic component of all peaceful connections. When we relate to another, we have to do so with a profound respect for their sacrosanct nature. This understanding brings about an unexpected result. It means that we accept and honor the boundaries between ourselves and those of others. And strangely, by the very fact that we do that, the boundaries slowly disappear, along with any sense of separation and distance. By treating the other person with honor and an awareness of their unique person, we establish a deep sense of calm, trust and safety in the relationship.”
How It’s Possible to Practice Acceptance in Your Relationships “The coming together and finding a rhythm of living with each other was smooth and easy. There was a deep understanding between us that brought out a gentle openness to each other. We listened and heard what each of our individual needs were and merged into a flow of acceptance. Many of you associate acceptance with giving in and/or giving up. This is not what we refer to. It was clear that we all wanted nothing but the best for each other. No one was holding on to having any given situation be a certain way, while at the same time, there were specific needs and desires that one or the other of us had, that needed to be honored. This acceptance was total from the beginning, but it also grew in its expression as the days went by. It was gratifying to live through the path of total acceptance with others, as it is an important part of creating peaceful relationships. Having this experience that Phil and I live with, in the context of four people doing it together, was delicious and confirming. This way of being, like many others, gets easier and smoother with practice. It brings with it an intense sense of relaxation and ease. The more you are unquestioningly accepted for who and how you are, the more freedom you have to be yourself. This exhibits itself most distinctly with those with whom you share living space, but it applies to all relationships, particularly the deep and intimate ones. It is best when a feeling of safety as well as ease is created through the way you relate.”
How Honesty Leads to Trust in Your Relationships “Close relationships are the forum where we can change this and show ourselves completely. How does that transition occur? It starts with taking a small risk by being honest and expressing something that might be ridiculed or laughed at, used to shame you, or used against you. When your listener does not take advantage of this, but instead hears and sees you, it increases your trust in how open you can be with them, and you can progressively share more of yourself. Trust is measured in actions more than words, and your intuition knows better than your head. Be sure to check that this is a true intuition rather than your inner fears from past experiences. At some point, you can make the leap to total trust and total openness. This is a place where you can find yourself, you can dig down through the cultural assumptions. It is a place of great peace and calm. You can relax because this is a relationship of cooperation, not competition. You are both on the same side. You are in tune with the deep sense that we need each other to survive and thrive.”